


I Feel it In my Bones

by Cherry_Bomb_Bees



Category: Captain Underpants Series - Dav Pilkey
Genre: cat ears and magical girls everywhere, content warning: mild swearing, superpowers for everybody, the radioactive au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2018-12-04 01:08:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 24,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11544273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherry_Bomb_Bees/pseuds/Cherry_Bomb_Bees
Summary: Welcome to the Radioactive AU, also known as  "what would happen if Jerome Horwitz was swamped by a truck of nuclear waste and the kids and adults gained superpowers from it"





	1. Cat Got Your Tongue?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Melvin Sneedly and Benjamin Krupp. An intellectual cat hybrid and a secret supervillian whose secrets are all in the diamond. Remember that now.

Ominous beeps rang through the air.

Benjamin Krupp laid in the hospital bed, listening in between the television news blabbering on and on about the disaster that took place at his underfunded elementary school and the beeps of his monitor. It had been two days since _the accident_ at his elementary school. Fortunately, the only casualty was the gym teacher, but four other people and himself were hospitalized for an entire week. Where was the school going to find substitutes for three crucial staff members that aren't complete sociopaths, he thought.

Benny had a flashback to two weeks ago, sitting uninterested in his office chair and loaded with papers ranging from detention slips to conferences to other mundane words printed in mass. He watched as his favorite student opened the door while holding some sort of gun-like gadget in his arms.

"Principal Krupp" Melvin smugly greeted his superior. "I've heard dozens of complaints from the public about a manchild personality running around in his unmentionables."

"Melvin, _I know._ Captain Underpants is in my head, and. I. need. him. **OUT!!!** " Krupp hollered in rage, slamming his fist on the table. "So what do you plan to do about this, Sneedly."

The ginger cleared his throat and presented his latest project. "With only a pencil sharpener, a calculator, 2 mice, a piece of uranium, a rubber band, AND solvent, I have made the Defusionator 2000. Now, er, sir, stand very still, wear that curtain around your neck, and let the science do its work."

Mr. Krupp did as told, standing very still. Melvin quickly typed down all the needing calculations for the procedure to work. He aimed at his principal, snapped on his forest green goggles, and let fire.

Bzzzzzzzrrrrrrrrrrrttttttttttttt!

A glowing cherry red aura filled the office as a high pitched noise pierced the air. Papers flew in the wind, the ground trembled with pressure, and pencils flew off the wooden oak desk. A slight explosion went off, forcing Melvin to look away.

5 minutes later, the aura and noise reached a total stop. Melvin rubbed his eyes then gasped. Where one man stood, two were there now. One was a stubborn elementary principal with no tolerance for nonsense. The other was a bold warrior with a sense for truth, justice, and all that is preshrunk and cottony.

"Tra-la-LAAAAAAAA" cried out the captain, hands on his hips. His cape flowed in the air, vibrant and red.

Krupp gasped as he picked up his fallen toupee. "Alright bub, if you don't have the superpowers I'll-"

"I already transferred them, Principal" Melvin smugly interrupted, crossing his arms in confidence. "Now pay up!”

"Alright, alright, extra credit for you" Krupp blabbed, pushing Melvin out the door. The dictator of a dean glared at the cottony captain before him, his thoughts brewing with disbelief and shock.

The flashback faded, and now Krupp was stuck with radioactive poisoning in Piqua Hospital with a lovestruck lunch lady, two prankster pupils, and the suspicious New Swisslander he had hired last week in a desperate attempt for any science teacher.

Doctor Richard Alfred Northings came in, papers in one hand and black glossy pen in the other.

"Mr. Benjamin Krupp?" he asked. "The test results came back positive. You do have an excessive amount of nuclear waste stuck to your DNA and bloodstream because of the diamond lodged in your heart. However, after a lengthy examination and discussion, we confirmed that if we were to attempt any removal of said diamond, you would bleed out and die almost instantly. Fortunately for you, the type of byproduct stuck to you grants you with superpowers. These superpowers, however, are rather simple. Flight, superstrength, super speed and we suspect shapeshifting as well. We in the medical community call this ‘Flyinus Brickonus’, very common among adult men your age.

Krupp nodded, still too fatigue to sit up. He desperately wanted to rip the glowing and throbbing green diamond out of his chest, but lacked the energy to do so. 

"Fortunately for the five of you, Miami County School Board will pay for all the medical bills as long as there is a mandated week to close down Jerome Horwitz while you recover." Doctor Northings continued to ramble. “But we have to get back to our most critical patients, we can’t afford to neglect children after all.”

Benjamin grunted and nodded after the rambling doctor left the room, leaving the peeved principal alone with his thoughts.

Meanwhile, at the Sneedly residence.

"Mom, you KNOW I'm allergic to- ACHOO!- Danderella!" Melvin complained, sneezing and coughing as he was buried under the cyan atom-printed covers and shivering.

"Well, sorry dear! But we need to conduct this experiment!" huffed out Mrs. Sneedly, slamming the door shut. “We still love you though!”

Melvin groaned and set yet another ice pack to his head. Despite running a fever at 102.5 degrees and coughing minute after minute, the young genius was still working on yet another invention for extra credit, this time the Fuse-N-A 3000.

Two hours of hoarse coughing, wheezing, and parents indulged in their experiments later, Melvin had finally finished the prototype.

He set his gerbil and mouse close together on the bedside table and then aimed the Fuse-N-A 3000 at the rodents. Melvin clicked the navy button, 10 seconds warming up before combining the DNA.

Unfortunately for the sickly student, Danderella was rubbing up against her ill owner, purring for some attention. She distracted him and caused Melvin to reverse the aim of the beam.

"DANDERELLA!" yelled Melvin, wheezing afterwards. "What the heck are you -achoo- doing?!"

But it was too late for the two of them. The DNA fusion beams hit both the feline and the feverish child, causing orange smoke to rise and a cloud exploding in the room.

Quickly blowing away thanks to the industrial fan in the room, the two looked down.

Danderella began to stand up on two legs, gasping as she looked around.

"I...can talk?!" she asked herself. "Wa ha hooo!! I'm finally like a human! This, this is FANTASTIC!" The anthropomorphic cat squealed. "Talk like a human, walk like one, ooh I bet I can PARTY like one too!!"

Melvin sputtered, his allergies vanished into thin air. He reached up to scratch an ear, gasping when he couldn't feel it.

"Danderella?" Melvin weakly asked, sneezing afterwards.

She excitedly gasped. "Melvin! Your...your...YOUR EARS! THEY'RE CAT EARS!!!" squealing as she brought up a mirror.

Melvin looked and shreiked. Where human ears were was just smooth skin. At the top of his head were two large orange cat ears. He opened his mouth, seeing fangs peek out instead. And from his backside, a long orange tail twitched and twirled.

"No...." he cried out. "This? This can't be! What? NO!"

Melvin weeped, tears burning his feverish face. He sneezed a few times, shuddering each time he sneezed.

Danderella hopped down. She hung around with her human counterpart. "Hey it's not that bad, Melv! At least your scrap of other junk didn't cause everyone at school to gain superpowers and kill the gym teacher!!"

The ginger snarked at his companion. "Danderella, you, uh, do know that only happens in fanfictions written by teenage girls at 4 in the morning"


	2. Welcome to the New Age

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Students with superpowers, angry hybrids, and just who are the magical kids in the frilly dresses?

It was Monday morning in Piqua, Ohio. Melvin walked over to Jerome Horwitz Elementary, grumbling about his new feline appearance. When he swung the door open, not a student was in sight. The redhead sighed in relief. His fears of being laughed at were gone for now, mostly because nobody was around in sight. Was school cancelled again? Is everyone out sick? It is only 7:30 after all, so what gives? All the thoughts ran in his head like hamsters on a wheel until-

"Melvin?" a young male voice asked.

Melvin looked around to try to find the source of the voice. He saw one locker open ever so slightly, a few strands of fluffy chestnut brown hair peeping out. Suddenly, the locker glowed a pale blue light, the hair disappearing. In a flash, Melvin saw his fellow fourth grader Tommy Soren, standing before his eyes where he was. Tommy physically looked the same: soft round face with three freckles near each eye, fluffy brown hair, cerulean and silver striped shirt, and anxious expression.

"You!" exclaimed Melvin, baffled by what he had seen with his own eyes. "Teleporting?!?! How?!?! Did you-"

The fourth grader shyly nodded, quicky looking around his surroundings in fear. "It's.....not only me, Melvin" Tommy nervously whispered, gulping.

The child genius waved his hands in the air, eyes widening. "Not only you?! I don't get it, what do you _mean_ not only you!?"

The brunett flinched from the yelling, taking a deep breath in. "I, uh, I'll show you" he answered, taking Melvin by the wrist, closing his eyes, then both disappeared in a flash.

Mere seconds later, both were whisked away into the same old decaying cafeteria room. Students of all grades were out and about in there, most playing around with their newly gained superpowers.

Melvin was in shock from what he just saw. He saw two kindergardner boys chop a table with ease in the farther left corner. In another corner, three first graders were flying up in the air with small wings, giggling as they touched the ceiling in no time. A group of second graders morphed and shapeshifted into various animals while a third grade boy snapped his fingers and left the cafeteria room, coming back in mere seconds holding his backpack from home. Fourth graders were having a blast with the dozens of powers their grade got. And little Suzy in the fifth grade was sneezing lava all over the table. But where were George and Harold of all people?!

"I'm telling on all of you" Melvin threatened, hissing slightly.

Chuckles and giggles came from the fourth graders' table. Melvin's ears went down, frowning at his peers.

Tommy dashed over to the table, joining the students in conversation.

"What's Melvin's problem?" a student at the table asked. She looked down at the flowerpot before her, putting one finger in the dirt and watching as a dozen daisies popped up from her touch and growing in the pot. She smiled, pushing her dark brown hair back with a teal hairclip. The girl next to her softly gasped as three tulips grew from her clip.

"I really don't know, Rosa. Melvin's just so sour!" a blonde girl with a ponytail at the table complained. "If you ask me, he's just jealous that he doesn't have a good superpower like the rest of us do!"

"You're right Candy" Rosa replied, brushing dirt off her light brown skin with the back of her hand. She watched as Candy pulled, fittingly enough, a box of bubblegum and dumdums and Reese's Pieces out from her hair.

"Your power is so cool, Candy!" another girl exclaimed, this one with reddish brown hair in a blunt bob and a pink ribbon on the side of her hair. "All I can do is jump from anything and not break a bone."

"Aw, Ginger" comforted Candy. "That's still pretty cool! I'm kinda jealous to be honest!"

"Candy, don't be jealous!" Dana exclaimed. "We all have really cool powers! Well, except for Melvin."

"Speaking of powers, Dana, how's the plant one going?" Candy asked, hiding her backpack into her hair.

Dana replied. "Pretty good, except my mom doesn't like the marigolds, they make her sneeze and scream."

Just then, all three girls screamed and jumped up, as did the rest of the students inside. A crowd of carnivorous commodes burst into the cafeteria room, screaming in anger and hunger. The children were so frightened they huddled into a corner together.

"YUM YUM EAT THEM UP" bellowed multiple toilets. One third grader tried to teleport his fellow class away to a classroom but only managed to get his two closest friends.

Melvin rolled his eyes, jumping out in front of his peers. "I'm only defeating you for extra credit" he snarled at the titanic toilet. Melvin's claws grew bigger, then he started to swipe at the porcelain predators with no avail.

Suddenly, a lime green ball of energy hit a pack of talking toilets, knocking five of them over. The ball left behind smoke so heavy the children couldn't see anything except two silhouettes of students and their glowing weapons. One weapon was a slingshot in green and white stripes, the other a red and yellow striped whip with a diamond shape at the end of the strings.

The children watched as the two students jumped into the air, the slingshot-equipped one hitting nearly every remaining carnivorous commode with the ease of their weapon. When only one toilet was left standing, the other student lassoed their whip around, grabbing the toilet with it, flinging it in the air, and smashing the toilet against the ground with a final shatter.

Students cheered, running up to their mysterious classmates. The light green smoke in the air faded and revealed that the students who saved them from doom were George Beard and Harold Hutchins.

George and Harold both looked different than the last time their classmates saw them. The two boys were adorned in the frilliest and most adorable outfits the students had ever seen. Both were decked out in pleated skirts to the knee, ruffled blouses, long white gloves and socks, simple boots, and ribbons tied across their collars, back of the head, and waistbands. While most were in awe and amazed, one student failed to hide his anger.

Melvin bared his fangs. "Hey!" he hissed. "I was supposed to beat them and get extra credit! You two look too ridiculous to get credit for this!!"

"We look awesome, Melvin" George sassed at the other student. "And we saved your hiney!"

To Melvin, George and Harold did look absolutely ridiculous in their frills of justice. But to the rest of the school, they appeared powerful and heroic.

"Melvin, they saved us!!" exclaimed a fifth grader, almost throwing a lava ball at the child genius in anger.

"Yeah Sneedly, be grateful for once" complained another student.

More students started to complain at Melvin, both parties ranting at each other. George and Harold looked at each other, nodding as they snapped their fingers to turn back into their civilian clothes.

An announcement crackled in the air, causing many students to cover their ears.

"Attention students, class starts NOW. And starting today we have a new policy: anyone who is caught using their superpowers in class will, and I mean, WILL be sent to detention. No exceptions!" the booming voice echoed.

All the students started going towards their classrooms from the cafeteria. Some children flew to homeroom with ease, others speed-ran their, while several others teleported, including Tommy who was nice enough to teleport George and Harold to class.

Melvin sat down in his seat, fully aware of his classmates giving the stink eye.

The catboy cleared his throat. "I know what you're thinking, I'm the ba-"

"Um, duh, you ARE the bad guy!" a male student yelled, pounding his fist on the table. "You didn't even act grateful!!"

"Fine" the ginger rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry I wasn't so grateful for those two saving us. Is THAT good enough?"

"Don't apologize to us!" Ginger hollered. "Apologize to George and Harold!"

"Yeah!" the rest of the class agreed in unison.

Melvin huffed out. He turned to George and Harold and swallowed. "I'm _so_ sorry to the both of you that I wasn't so appreciative of you saving our school from the talking toilets this morning"

George turned to his classmate. "It's cool, Melvin" he brushed off, nodding then going back to writing silly stories in his notebook.

Class then began for the day, and it was agony for Melvin. Despite Krupp's new anti-power policy, all the children continued to play around with their abilities anyways, even Melvin of all people!

It was lunchtime, and Melvin left his table of one to rush to the water fountain. Just as he was about to get a sip, a huge jet of the liquid sprayed into his face, and he hissed in a fit of anger.

The catboy looked over to the boys' bathroom and glared at the student coming out. He was a fourth grader too, and had short spiky brown hair and a red hoodie.

"Really Todd?!" Melvin hollered at the other boy.

"Geez, sorry Melvin" Todd shrugged, running back to the lunchroom.


	3. Got to Concentrate and Don't Be Distracted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now the adult's perspectives on the nuclear waste incident, featuring a little Egg Casserole!

4:15 PM, read the clock on the wall. By then on this Friday afternoon, not a single student remained in the building, not even Melvin Sneedly who would be itching for extra credit. It had been the longest week in Krupp’s life.

Mr. Krupp entered the decaying teachers' lounge with black coffee in one hand and ibuprofen in the other. He sat down on a faded grey sofa, grumbling to himself as he forced the medicine down his throat.

"You zhick of zhese supahpowahed kids too?" Pippy asked, picking up papers and reports with his metallic fingers and limbs. He was still getting used to the quadruple amputation, yet seemingly grateful for the custom-built prosthetics crafted by Melvin himself.

Benny nodded, groaning in exhaustion. "I couldn't even GIVE them detention this week because every single one was acting up! Hell, the fifth graders burned every single detention slip I had on me, AND my spare copies. I should even be lucky Miss Anthrope saved the files on that scrap heap of a computer."

"If you thought fifth graders were bad" Ms Ribble complained, puffing on her cigarette. "Those fourth graders make fifth graders look like angels! Heck, today alone, I threatened to write up the entire fourth grade. Even Melvin of all students!"

"And music class is just hell to teach" vented Mr. Rustworthy, clutching his head in pain. "Second graders keep turning into everything BUT focused students! God, why can't they just stop already?!"

"Now just wait a minute!" exclaimed Ms. Anthrope with glee, kicking the door open and coming in with tangled wires all around her arms, hair, and neck. "Why don't we just, say, control them instead? We all have superpowers too you know.

Krupp, your powers rival that former alter ego of yours. Professor Poopypants, that supercharged brain and new limbs. Mr Rustworthy, your musical manipulation. Ms. Ribble, my partner in crime, hair that shapeshifts into limbs. And the rest of the staff can-"

Poopypants interrupted. "OR, we could find zhe strongest student and kill them"

There was silence for a few minutes.

"As much as I hate them, we are NOT killing George and Harold!" Krupp shouted, pointing a finger in Pippy's face. "Why didn't I fire that bastard already" he thought to himself.

"Wait, Principal Krupp" Tara Ribble asked. "How DID you know they were the strongest?"

Krupp cleared his throat and began to thoroughly explain. "Tara, it's very simple. My new security cameras and footage caught those two curbstomping at least a dozen mutated toilets. Also they were the only two students to go into the hospital"

The teachers pondered, while Ms. Ribble was getting coffee with her hair limbs and inching closer to Ms. Anthrope.

"Mister Krupp, with all due respect" asked Mr. Rustworthy. "How in the hell did you afford new security cameras when I can't even afford music sheets that are from this century?!"

"It was either keeping gym class or getting more cameras, and we already killed the gym teacher. Well, the teenage girl writing this story did" Krupp rambled.

"Who?" asked Ms. Anthrope.

Krupp shrugged it off. He watched as Pippy wrote out diabolical plans on his papers, still shaking slightly as he adjusted to his new limbs.

A knock came from outside. Krupp walked over, looking to see who it was. He smiled slightly, gladly opening the door to the visitor. It was Edith Delunchladie. She appeared the same except for her outfit. In place of her normal apron and dress, the cafeteria worker was wearing a golden yellow biohazard suit with long black gloves and boots to match.

"Oh my, hello Edith" swooned Benjamin, eyes lowering as he shut the door for her.

Edith blushed, chuckling slightly. "Mr Krupp, you sly dog! What have you been doing lately?" she cooed.

"Well, my lady, we're plotting a way to stop our students" flirted Krupp.

Pippy snapped his fingers in impatience. "Get a room, you two!" he hollered, still frustrated with his writings and plotting.

Edith and Benny stopped, both their faces glowing red in embarassment. The rest of the teachers shook their head and groaned.

"Taking down students?" the lunch lady asked. "But why?"

Ms. Ribble slammed her fist on the table. "Because they keep pissing us off!!" she snapped, heaving.

Ms. Anthrope sat closer to the elderly lady, smiling slightly. "To be honest, mostly George and Harold. And we had the idea of using our own powers to take them down. Speaking of which, Miss Delunchladie, what were yours again?"

"Well" the cook said. "Just flying, superstrength, and no chance of poisoning from anything"

The other staff members nodded in agreement.

"Tomorrow" Krupp plotted out. "We take action."

All the staff in the room talked amongst each other as Krupp was trying to hide a secret costume from underneath the sofa. Unfortunately for our staff, caffiene was running low and the coffeemaker was broken from a fight between the football team and the mathletes, and Krupp just spent the rest of the budget on frivolous endeavours.

"Now vhat do you say ve go for zhome coffee?" the mustachioed scientist offered his colleagues. "It's on me, us New Svissvanders know about zhe good coffee"


	4. 50 Ways to Beat The Others

It was Saturday and almost the entire fourth grade was at the Three Stooges Park and Playground. Well, the entire fourth grade minus three of the most well-known students.

A girl with curly red hair and a teal hairband jumped from the sturdy branches of an oak tree, shooting two beams of ice from the palms of her hands. Another girl, this one with dark brown braids and a blue dress, readied herself and punched both ice beams, watching as shards of ice flew across the park and streets.

"That. Was. Awesome!!" Candy exclaimed, pulling her instant camera out of her hair and snapping an image.

Meanwhile, as the students were all enjoying their day, one of the missing students was grumbling in anger across the street.

"No, Danderella" argued Melvin. "I do NOT want to go to the park, it's filled with the immature kids from my grade and I want nothing to _do with them_."

"Aww but Melviiiin" complained the orange feline. "It's Saturday, the day of kids having fun! Stop being so grumpy and be a kid for once!"

"Listen, Danders" snapped the ginger. "I would rather drop dead than be seen with those immature brats. All they care about is those dumb comic books and low brow jokes and those idiots George and Harold and their idiotic pranks!!"

Danderella stood still, starting to crack a smile and giggling. "Melvin, honey, please!! You have the rest of your life to be boring and complaining about kids! Now come on! We are going to that park and THAT. IS. FINAL!!!"

The anthropomorphic housecat laughed, running towards the park/playground and waving. Melvin chased after her, yelling in anger.

"Oh great. It's _Melvin_ " one of the fourth graders pouted, rolling his eyes.

Another student complained. "Why can't he just go away?"

"Will all of you shut up?!?!" the child genius hollered. "My stupid cat dragged me here"

Danderella still giggled. "Stupid?! Sweetie, I'm the only cat in Piqua that can even talk!!"

Tommy timidly peeped from behind a tree, gasping as he saw the chattering molly. He checked his surroundings twice, then teleported to where Danderella stood. Melvin gave a stinging glare to the anxious teleporter, hissing quietly.

"I hate all of you" the genius hissed, storming off in a fit of rage into a nearby strip mall. The students agreed it was best to not comment on the scenario.

"Wow, a talking cat?" Tommy asked, holding his hand out to her.

Danderella proudly answered "You know it, my good man!" and shook his hand. 

"Now lemme remember from Melvin's angry rants.....Tommy Soren, right? The locker kid, total wallflower?" the socialable kitty questioned.

Tommy quietly nodded, still amazed by the pet in front.

"Yeah, Melvin has something against you, but I think you're a pretty cool guy myself" continued Danderella. "Hey, question for you kids. Is there a 'George Beard' and, uh, 'Harold Hutchins' here right now?"

"No, they're somewhere fighting I think" Ginger replied. "But little kitty, their powers are AWESOME!!"

"Now how awesome we talking?" Danderella asked, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow.

Another boy spoke up and said "Well, they say 'oh no' and 'here we go again' and then bam! They have a slingshot and a whip and can fly too! And they look kinda like those big-eyed girls from the shows my sister watches too"

"Sounds pretty freakin' sweet if you asked me. Melvin said they looked ridiculous, but I think they sound killer" the kitty cat commented.

Meanwhile, on Piqua's High Street...

Adults dashed and screamed in the street, trying to avoid a group of hungry toxic snakes slithering in nearly every building. While the serpents kept appearing out of thin air, two boys stood completely still amongst the chaos.

"Oh no" George said, turning to Harold and nodded as he undid his tie.

Harold replied "Here we go again!" as he pulled a slingshot from his backpack.

Both boys ran and jumped in the air, enveloping in a ball of red and green light. The snakes rattled and hissed, spitting acid at the light ball with no success.

In a puff of smoke, both George and Harold gracefully landed on their feet, the transformation almost complete. 

Their civilian clothes were replaced by their spiffy costumes. Harold held the trim of his skirt, slid his feet together, curtsied, then winked as a pale green ribbon was summoned onto the back of his hair. George held one hand to his chest, the other onto his hip, and confidently grinned as the same ribbon was summoned, except his in a soft red.

"Oh well, they both did need the extra ribbons" one adult commented quietly.

Another replied, "That's just common sense."

The first snake darted towards the two of them, stopped as Harold grabbed it by the neck and tossed it to the side as the snake poofed into thin air.

George lassoed a bundle of the snakes with his trusty whip, yanking his end more to cause the trapped serpents to poof as well.

"George! There's too many!!" the blonde yelled as he punted and shot at more and more of the pesky reptiles.

"Harold! I know!" George groaned, elbowing at least three more pythons. "They just won't stop!"

As the two boys continued fighting against the pests, a bigger threat slid up in front, laughing loudly.

"You little brats can't defeat ME" gloated an enormous king cobra, causing both the children to look up in anger at him.

Harold flew up in the air, closing one eye as he aimed his slingshot. He shot a green ball of energy at the cobra's face, temporarily blinding the glowing mustard beast.

"NOW GEORGE!" Harold yelled, flying to the top of a building.

George nodded, throwing the lassoed end of his whip around and trapping the oversized ophidian. He bared his teeth, watching as the cobra swayed back and forth in writhing pain. The blonde pulled his slingshot back, focused on the neck of the serpent, then fired his strongest ammunition. The orb of plasma struck the cobra in the neck, forcing him to fall unconscious onto the ground with a mighty thud. George and Harold pulled their weapons back, then floated down to ground.

"Our heroes!" exclaimed a crowd member.

Another adult yelled with glee "Those boys saved the day!"

The crowd ran over, joyously lifting up George and Harold into the air. All the cheering quieted down as Ingrid Ashley and Larry Zarrow came behind the celebration.

"Can we help you?" the tallest crowd member asked Zarrow and Ashley.

Ingrid cleared her throat. "I'm from Channel Four Eyewitness News and we need to report everything about the giant snake incident"

"Ingrid" Larry asked, dusting off his camera. "Who or what do you want the camera focused on?"

"Well, Larry, who did wha-"

"It was this huge cobra!" another adult interrupted. "And these kids in their cute little cosplay saved High Street!"

"Adorable?!" George and Harold cried out at the same time.

"Looks like we got a story, Larry" Ingrid said. She was about to pull out her microphone as a young man sprinted up to the scene of the attack.

"Can I help you sir?" the reporter asked.

"Oh god where is-oh there he is!!" the young man panicked as sweat got on his red flannel and orange messy hair, then calmed down. He walked over to where the snake was lying and checked over its appearance. "I'm so sorry about this, everyone!" he cried out. 

The crowd looked on in confusion.

"Ok, let me introduce myself, Miss Ashley" the mystery man began. "I'm Phillip Vad, and my little bro fed chunks of his school lunch to old Ognar here. Again, I'm really sorry he did this"

"Now we have a story rolling, Larry" the eyewitness reporter told her cameraman, and finally began her segment on everything that happened, from the rampaging reptile to the frilly fourth graders.

But what the crowd didn’t see was a stout old man hiding in an alleyway taking notes.

”So zhose two are zhe strongest students of zhem all” he whispered to himself. “Looks like I have a plan”


	5. Have a Drink on Me

It was an average Saturday evening at Piqua's Main Street. Benjamin Krupp had forced himself into the line of a nightclub. While the principal wouldn't usually go this route, all the bars had been closed for a week due to an infection in the taps and leaving dozens of adults to force themselves into nightclub lines. Benjamin gulped down his espresso shot he had been keeping in his shirt pocket, tapping his foot impatiently in the line and scowling at the ground. Once he'd go in, it was straight to the bar for him and nothing else. He grabbed seven dollars for the fee at Coming and Going, ready to get wasted to forget about his disaster of a school until he heard a cry out for him.

"Benny!!!"

The aging principal looked over to his left. He saw his heroic former alter ego fly down, two familiar pests following suit in those _ridiculous_ costumes.

"What. Are. You. Doing. Here" Mr. Krupp snarled in frustration.

"Well, dear citizen" Captain Underpants hammed. "I was wondering where you were for the first few chapters of this fanfiction, so the sidekicks and I went looking. You don't seem like an outing guy, so this was quite the surprise."

"I don't _want_ to be here, you dolt. I just want a simple night without you shoehorning your way into it. And take those two away, I highly doubt they'll take **children** here" snarked Krupp.

The man behind Krupp looked over at the two boys. "Hey, aren't those the kids who defeated that giant snake earlier?" he asked.

"Yeah, it IS them!" the adult behind him cried out. 

Suddenly, the lines started to chatter and converse in excitement. As a few people finally got another look, cheers started to burst.

"Uhh, Benny? What's going on?" the Captain curiously asked, cocking his head.

Krupp sighed. "Apparently your little sidekicks beat up a giant snake and saved some people"

"Ah yes, the chums told me of that" the waistband warrior commented. "They're very fantastic!"

Forty minutes later, Krupp was finally inside the nightclub and off to the bar. He laid out ten dollars to the bartender, ordering a black coffee cup with vodka in it. Benny swallowed down the alcohol, groaning in desperation and gagging from a migraine starting to form.

"This night can't get any worse" Mr. Krupp said to himself.

"Yoohooo! Beeeeennnnnnnnny!" a joyful voice called out from the entrance. Krupp looked over in anger, his eyes twitching. Why and how did that idiotic manchild end up here, he thought.

The Captain flew over to an empty seat, laying an elbow on the bar and raising an eyebrow.

"So, how about this place, huh citizen?" asked the waistband warrior. "Jolly good drinks, ooh that lady took her top off, hey look a fireman pole! I'm already liking the looks of here!"

"Captain, you buffoon" Mr. Krupp groaned, clutching his head and continuing his drink. "You need to get outta here. This is NOT a place you should be. And neither should the boys! This is- shit, where are the boys at?!"

Benny's eyes widened, as did Captain Underpants'. They both frantically searched the bar and dancefloor, calling out for the boys. Their searching came to an end because of a kick came from one of the doors near the lounge section. An infuriated and inebriated college-age student stormed out of the mens' restroom, kicking the door down as he dragged George and Harold out by their collars. He turned to Benny and Captain, vomit dribbling down his chin.

"Are you two responsible for these little shitheads?!" snarled the young adult as spittle flew out of his mouth. The principal cringed from the putrid smell of Axe spray, cheap beer, and old cigarettes. He heaved as sweat and spilled beer dripping down his lime muscle tank and hot red Nike shorts.

George exclaimed in anger, thrashing around "It's just a prank, bro! And you deserved it!!"

"I didn't fucking do shit, you little demons ruined MY night" he screamed, throwing George and Harold to the two pudgy men. He pulled a switchblade from his pockets, holding it out in front of them. "If I catch you two bastards doing what you did ever again, you're fucking dead."

"YOUR night?" Harold yelled. "All you did was be really rude to those women in front of you at the bar!"

"It's called flirting, blondie" explained the college guy, flipping his brown unwashed hair. "You'd understand if you had any common sense"

Harold spat out "Hitting someone on the butt without a warning isn't flirting! That's just being mean!"

"Oh watch your fucking language, punk!" the frat bro screamed. "What you did to me was NOT okay!" 

"No, YOU watch your language, bro!!" George hollered at the college student. "You were being a prick to those lovely ladies, so you deserved what we did!" 

"Hey boys, quick question" Captain interrupted.

"Yes Captain?" George and Harold asked.

The captain innocently wondered "What's going on with this man and you two?"

"Well, fatass" the student ranted. "These two assholes thought it was fucking hilarious to replace my vodka with toilet water! And then they messed up the urinals so it looked like I fucking pissed myself!"

"Boys, did this really happen?" Mr. Krupp groaned in frustration, ordering another shot.

The boys nodded and George explained what was going on. "We pranked him because he was rude to these women in front of us and now he's overreacting!"

"I'M the one overreacting?!?!" the drunk screamed at the top of his lungs. "I'm not the bratty little shits who fucked over someone else's fun! Now if I were you two _girls_ , I'd stay the fuck out of the men's bathroom and stop ruining my fucking life!!"

The boys, the superhero, and the middle-aged man angrily gasped at what he had just said. Benjamin smashed his glass against the counter and Captain Underpants threw the agitator against the wall and kept him pinned. George and Harold tried to speak up or do something but both children froze up from the words that pierced them, and all they could do was just stand there, slightly trembling in fear.

Just then, another man walked out of the lounge, adjusting his grey jeans and zipping his black leather jacket up. He turned to his right and glared at the wasted prick.

"Ugh, damnit Carter" the leather-clad young adult groaned. He looked over to the scene of the crime. "Hey, is he giving you four trouble?" he asked.

"You're darned right he is, citizen!" the Waistband Warrior spat out. "Carter here was harassing my sidekicks!"

"Jamal, don't believe him" begged Carter. "He's lying! They were the ones who harassed ME!"

"Oh really, Carter?!" Jamal questioned. "Is that them over there?"

He pointed over to the other side of the club, where Harold was slowly walking over to a bench, with George following suit. Harold sadly sat on the bench, pressing his knees against his chest and wrapping his arms around them. He tried to keep himself together but started sobbing quietly.

"H-harold?" George quietly asked, sitting down next to his best friend but only getting sniffles and sobs as an answer.

Harold looked up and turned to face George. His face was streaked with tears rolling down his cheeks and his eyes were tinted pink. "G-george..." he sobbed out. "How c-could he-"

George tried to swallow but it felt like a lump was stuck inside his throat. "Harold, please d-don't" he shuddered as tears started to fill his eyes. "I-I might start c-crying too..."

Harold looked up, then pulled George closer to him as both started weeping together. Their sobs got louder as seconds went by, causing quite a few people in the club to look over, including the disk jockey.

"Hey what's wrong with those kids?" the DJ asked, rummaging through her pockets for any spare tissue. Another person from the bar came to her booth and whispered what had happened. She cleared her throat then spoke into her mike. "Ok everyone, it's your girl DJ Jaydee. We got a complaint about an asshole in this club who harassed some women, made two _children_ cry, and , so when I play X Gonna Give It To Ya, I want everyone to find Carter and beat the shit out of him. Peace"

An enraged crowd gathered around the corner where Carter stood still. Captain Underpants walked backwards to where Mr. Krupp was and hoisted him up into the air. The half-naked superhero left with his former double, dropped him off back at Curmedegon Boulevard, then flew over back to the nightclub. He went back over to where both the boys were, still appearing heroic.

"Sidekicks" he asked, laying his hand out. "Are you two okay now?" George and Harold both looked up to see a worried Captain, their eyes still a faint pink and worry still on their faces.

George spoke up first, holding Harold in his arms the whole time. "Y-yea Captain" he softly hiccuped. "W-we're better now"

Harold let go of George, climbing down from the bench with his friend carefully. Both boys were still trembling slightly, but were still better than five minuted before.

"Let's get out of here, chums" the Captain commented, lifting both the boys into his arms. He left the bustling club and flew out the door, off to his next day.


	6. Weird Science

3.14 Smarty Pants Boulevard, read the address on the letter held by Pippy Pee-Pee Diarrheastein Poopypants. He walked into the single-story yellow and brown house, unlocking it with a snap of his enhanced fingers. 

Ripping open the envelope, Pippy sat down on a faded brown rëklïnër and began to read his letter.

"To my younger brother Pippy,

How's it been since zhe incident down at that underfunded place of an Âmêrîcân learning center? All I've heard from zhat was it was in your newest workplace and zhere was one fatality. Ńéw Śwíśśłáńd news is very vague about zhe Ämërïcän news. Make sure to tell me everything about zhis please!

Signed, Weepy Snottington Poopypants"

Pippy checked through the letter and stood up, still trembling on his leg enhancers. The scientist didn't want to admit it in front of people, but he was more than overjoyed to have leg prosthetics which made him feel and look tall, even if it was worth trembling frequently.

He walked over to his computer station, sitting down and turning his Früït 2017 desktop on. Pippy logged on, doing the first thing that came to mind: write a full letter out to Weepy. In spiraling details of at least 4 pages back to back, the professor wrote down everything that happened in the nuclear waste incident, from his radical amputation to the two magical boys running amok. Just as he was finishing up, a Śkÿpè call started from a familar username: funkiestofskunks.

Pippy gladly accepted the call. In front of the camera was his old assistant, Porkbelly Funkyskunk.

"Hiya professor" waved Porkbelly, wearing an old Melodic Rhythms shirt and atom-print pajama pants, sitting atop his bed.

"Ah yes, good to zee you Funkyskunk" replied Pippy, applying lip balm without a thought via a hidden compartment in his fingers.

"So what's been new in America?" the assistant asked, stuffing his mouth with tuna rolls and blushing. "Besides the interesting new limbs."

"Zhe usual" Pippy shrugged, printing off the letter. "Zhe magical boys saved zhe city from zhome snakes today. I'll have to thank zhem later, otherwise zhose zherpents would've destroyed zhe most trusted strip mall of us scientists toda- Porkbelly!!!"

Pippy snapped his fingers, causing Porkbelly to look up and continue blushing. "Oh! Sorry Professor, it's late for me. I guess I'll call back in a week then!"

"Goodnight zhen, former assistant" Poopypants said, ending the call and logging off for the evening. He got up, walked towards his bedroom, laid on the plush beige bed, undoing his legs prosthetics, set them aside, and then undid his arms prosthetics and gently placed them on the nightstand.

Pippy thought to himself "What a night it's been. I wonder why Porkbelly's been blushing a lot during zhe call though..." and drifted to sleep. 

Soon enough, it would be Monday and Poopypants had plans to attempt at a redemption for himself.


	7. From My Heart and From my Hand

Monday morning had finally came. Pippy Poopypants rose at exactly 6:09 AM, stretching and reaching over to attach his prosthetic limbs on. After an easy morning of downing a traditional New Swissland breakfast, changing into a simple black suit, and tying his hair back, the cyborg scientist left for his day.

Pippy hovered slightly in the air as he traveled swiftly down the sidewalks and blocks and street signs. Fortunately for him, Pippy had no need for a car since the prosthetic legs were also equipped with blasters to allow quick speeds and levitation, thanks to a certain redheaded child genius. 

To Pippy, it felt like an uneventful way to his current workplace. He was about to cross the intersections of Robooger Street and Stinkalot Road, until-

"GYAAA!!!!!"

A scream pierced the air, causing the professor to freeze up and accidentally zap himself. He shook it off, running to where the scream came from. It was there where he was facing against a large lime green gelatinous amorphous blob. In one of its dozen tentacles, the blob held a gleaming silver disc shaped spaceship. In two other tentacles, George and Harold were dangling by their legs, reaching for their weapons that fell on the pavement. Roars came from its three mouths, fangs sharp and colorless ooze spilling from the flashing blue tongues. Six bloodshot eyes turned from its targets to glare at Pippy, hissing coming from its horrifying jaws.

"Vhat zhe heck are you doing here? I'm trying to get to work here" hollered Pippy, his face steaming in anger.

The monster turned towards the pint-sized professor, zoomed its bloodshot eyes down at its opponent, and roared.

"We're Zorlaxifer!!"

"And I'm late for work!" Professor Poopypants yelled. "Now scram"

Zorlaxifer squeezed its hostages tighter. "Oh? But if we scram, mister “late for work” we won't be able to KILL these two, now won't we?"

Poopypants was more than infuriated. "Zhe only one who's killing zhose two..." He flew up to the behemoth's face, preparing a beam of energy in his right palm. Zorlaxifer slightly relaxed its grips on George and Harold, its eyes rising.

"Is me, damnit!" Pippy screamed, pulling his right arm back and socking Zorlaxifer in its top pair of eyes. The alien screeched, flinching in pain as its tentacles flailed wildly in the air, whacking the human over and hurling him into the air. Pippy stopped midflight, recharging his beam and firing it at the monster. The peridot green and orchid purple beam blasted through, blinding Zorlaxifer and knocking them back into a tower.

The behemoth loosened its tentacles, dropping George and Harold down. The two boys fell through the air, landing carefully on their feet at the pavement. A redheaded man looked over, confusion across his pale face.

"Sir" the ginger called out. "Are these your children?"

Pippy looked over, raising an eyebrow. "Zhey aren't my kids, and who zhe heck are you?"

"Mister Nunya Bismuth, my good sir" Mr. Bismuth replied, running over to give the short scientist a piece of his mind. George and Harold ran off to grab their weapons from nearby, dashing back to Pippy. 

Poopypants tilted his head to the right and grinned from under his mustache. "Did I even ask?"

“Well did I need your sass?” Nunya snarked back, jabbing a finger in Pippy’s chest. The two men bickered and argued, not watching the scene above them.

As Zorlaxifer rose from its fake-out demise, Harold aimed his slingshot at the beastly blob's eyes while George smacked the alien body across the face with his signature whip. 

"Any last words?!" the leader of the duo yelled, landing a punch into two more of Zorlaxifer's eyes. George turned to his closest friend.

"NOW HAROLD!!"

Harold nodded, releasing the orb of energy from the slingshot's string. The orb shot through the air, slamming against the sickly beast and causing it to explode into millions of piles of ectoplasm.

The remains of Zorlaxifer were spread all through the streets, dripping down buildings and oozing down roads. What chunks laid around, seeped into the closest substances possible. The smell of dill pickle relish and mayonnaise reeked through the rest of this chapter, adding towards even more of the goop sticking onto innocent bystanders. The combination of the rancid smell, vomit green stains, screams of bystanders, chunky textures of internal organs and what was left of six eyeballs left-

George screamed at the narrator. "ALRIGHT ALREADY! YOU ALREADY MADE HAROLD SICK, NOW YOU'RE GOING TO GET **ME** SICK TOO!!"

The blonde was already on the ground, finished from gagging in a trash can from the vivid description before George yelled at the narrator. "Thanks George" he weakly groaned, pulling away from the silver can. George flew down from the air, landing swiftly next to Harold. 

Harold turned to George, his face still the same green as his uniform. He wrapped his arms around the other boy, sighing in relief as George picked him up bridal style and ran away from the carnage they had caused and towards Jerome Horwitz. 

Pippy looked over, catching up towards his students at rocket speed. Once the three had gotten to the underfunded ~~penitentiary~~ elementary school, yelling came from inside the building.


	8. How Bad can I Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh wow it's been 3000 years since my last update

Pippy, George, and Harold rushed to the inside of the elementary school, suddenly skidding against the ceramic floors. The yelling from down the hall continued as Professor Poopypants' hair rustled in the wind slightly. 

"Zhis way" Pippy pointed out, dashing to the left and towards the principal's office as George and Harold followed suit. The professor aimed his cannons at the door and blasted the office entrance open. Benjamin Krupp, Tommy Soren, and two infuriated adults turned from their seats to look at the damage done and the three intruders walking through the obliterated door. 

The principal looked disinterested, raising an eyebrow and picking up a folder. "Can I help you three?" he said, rolling his eyes. 

"What in zhe heck are you yelling about, boss?" Poopypants asked, shrugging.

Krupp snarled through his teeth, turning to his employee with a slasher smile and a twitching right eye. He slammed the folder down, causing the Sorens to flinch and look to each other confused. Storming over, the short-tempered principal jabbed a finger in Pippy's face and began to rant, spittle flying from his mouth at Pippy.

Benny ranted "Listen here bubs. I'm dealing with an extremely disruptive student right now. If you even think about coming in my office at a time like this again, all three of you are DEAD. Do you hear me?"

"Oh you want me dead, huh, Krupp?" the professor shouted before chuckling slightly. "Zhat's funny, coming from zhe one who objected my idea of killing zhese little brats, and-"

"Killing us?!" George interrupted, flinching back slightly in anger and tightly gripping his whip. "You saved us in the last chapter, bub!!"

"I-it's all a mizunderstanding, boss" Professor Poopypants quickly explained, nervously sweating as Krupp, George, and Harold cornered the pint-sized professor in anger.

Krupp pulled his fist back and rammed it forward, striking the New Swisslander in the jaw. Poopypants spit out two teeth, steaming in fury as he wiped blood from his mouth. He heaved, snarling in pain from the punch and missing teeth. George and Harold stepped forward, aiming their weapons before their principal blocked them with his arm.

"This is my fight to deal with, you two brats just scram!" Krupp shooed the boys away as he trudged towards the evil genius. As he shooed them away, he turned back to his soon-to-be former employee.

The two men stared each other down, before Pippy got up and landed an uppercut fist to his former boss's nether regions. Benjamin cringed in pain, looking down as he punched Poopypants in the chest and watched him flinch. The short scientist coughed up blood and kicked Principal Krupp in the shin, causing him to stoop down to the New Swisslander's level. Krupp pinned down the evil scientist with his knee, being thrown over immediately out the window. Eventually, both men were just pummeling each other brutally, focused on beating the guts out of each other. 

Meanwhile, George and Harold dealt with another monster of the week, this time an oversized songbird that was suddenly zapped with a Sizerator.

Mr. Soren looked to his wife and only child, shrugging. "Well, I don't know what the hell happened, Kristen, but it was something else"

"Language, Ed!" Kristen pointed out, looking around. "Now where'd those two kids go??"

She turned around, seeing George and Harold looking quite triumphant. White feathers were sticking out of Harold's hair and George's boots and both of their uniforms, remains of egg now on their faces and hands. Ed and Kristen Soren looked over, slightly confused. 

"Can we help you?" Ed asked, his short grey hair slightly moving as he tilted his head.

Kristen asked. "Who are you two?"

George and Harold struck dramatic poses, ready to introduce themselves.

Harold curtsied, before pulling out a slingshot and holding it up in the air as he made a fist with his other hand and winked. "Faster than a speeding schoolgirl!"

"More powerful than pointless filler!" George jumped up in the air, crossing his arms.

Both boys looked to each other, grabbing each others' hands and standing on one foot each. They both triumphantly yelled "And able to leap tall buildings WITHOUT GROSS FANSERVICE!!!"

The parents stood still, slightly shocked from the posing. They turned to Tommy, still flabbergasted. 

"We fight for truth, justice" exclaimed George.

Harold finished his sentence. "And all that's in the name of Piqua!"

"Oh, t-they're my friends George and Harold!" Tommy nervously explained.

"Well that settles everything then, dear" Kristen said. "Now where did that principal go?"

George replied "Well, we gotta chase him down", grabbing Harold's hand and rushing out the room. Tommy tagged along, leaving the parents behind on another chase across Piqua.

"Waiiiiiiiit" Tommy screamed in confusion. "What are we doing?!?! No!!!!!"


	9. It's the Only Way that You Can Travel

Descending down from the office to the grass, our heroes landed straight to their feet with a thud. The three boys looked around, the only sounds in the air being flowing wind and rustling leaves. The brunett perked up slightly, looking to his left. Tommy grabbed George's and Harold's hands, taking a deep breath in as they were whisked away into light.

In only fifty seconds, the boys suddenly appeared on the streets of Piqua, hearing chaos and commotion from a nearby building. Tommy hid himself behind a trash can, jumping up slightly in fear. George and Harold nodded, dashing towards the noisy building. Inside, the pint-sized professor and peeved off principal were still brawling, both on the edge of a knockout. Principal Krupp reached over the counter and grabbed an empty bottle of vodka, raising it over his head.

"Stay....out" he heaved, about to claim victory. "Of my SCHOOL!!"

Benjamin hollered, smashing the vodka bottle over Pippy's head, rendering him unconscious and laying on the cold hard floor. Mr. Krupp rose up, coughing up the last bits of blood from his mouth. He had finally defeated his former employee in combat. The crowd of people looked on, starting to gasp and stare in excitement. The principal looked over, seeing that the attention wasn't on him, but instead, his former alter ego crashing through the window. 

"Greetings, citizens!" Captain Underpants hollered, striking a dramatic pose in confidence. He raised one eyebrow, crossed his arms, then flicked his cape to the side. "Now where are my sidekicks?"

George and Harold poked their heads out from behind a table, looking both ways before running up to their creation in glee. They turned to the crowd, watching as cheers and hoots rose.

"Captain Underpants!" one adult yelled out. "What are you doing here?"

The waistband warrior cleared his throat, raising a fist to the sky. "I'm here to take care of some last minute business. And deliver truth! Justice! AND ALL THAT IS PRE-SHRUNK AND COTTONY!"

"Oh" added the superhero. "And getting my sidekicks for some good old combat. Now farewell, citizens!"  
Captain Underpants then flew out the window, sidekicks following suit. The three heroes took to the streets, getting ready to fly up before-

WHOOMP!

A box fell on the ground, causing a loud noise to pierce through the vicinity. Captain Underpants turned around, stomping a foot down towards a seemingly empty alley.

"This way sidekicks!" Captain Underpants called, waiting for his sidekicks to be at his side before entering the alleyway. He stared down his future opponents with intensity that could terrify even a man with a heart of stone. 

The group of robbers looked over and one started to burst in laughter, to the confusion of the Captain. 

"I can't believe this!" snorted the robber with the eye-patch. "We have to fight THIS of all things! I'm dying, Sheldon!"

"Dude, what the fuck" replied the robber with the red hair. "You do NOT know what we're up against. It's not this guy we have to watch out for, it's something even more terrifying"

"But he's just a guy in his unmentionables!" the first robber yelled. "Anything can be more terrifying that THAT!"

Suddenly, a striped red and yellow tie snapped at the robbers, causing them to flinch.

"It's not HIM that's terrifying!" blubbered the red-headed robber. "It's, it's-"

George and Harold walked up, weapons armed and smirking at the petty thieves. The group of robbers screamed, backing into a corner.

"Oh god it's his sidekicks!!" screamed the third robber. "They're terrifying and ruthless and they don't leave mercy for ANYONE!"

"Calm down, Greg" the eye-patch wearing robber scoffed, clearly unamused. "They're just some dumb kids in dresses, what are THEY going to do against US?"

Greg angrily gasped. "These kids have KILLED before! They're probably going to maim and break our bones and leave us DEAD!"

"We don't know about dead" George shrugged, trying not to laugh.

He pulled his whip back, then slapped the first three robbers across the face with it, all without breaking a sweat. The robbers ran forward, before Harold aimed his slingshot back and knocked over two more of the thieves. As the robbers got up, they grabbed blocks of wood, a bag of cement, a few hammers, and other parts off the ground as an attempt at defense. The dozen or so burglars were equally matched in combat by the two magical boys before them. After thirty minutes, only one was left. Captain Underpants walked up to the final mugger and grabbed him by the collar of his black shirt, rising him up slightly in the air.

He grinned at his opponent, and snarled to him. "Don't. You. Ever. Underestimate. My. SIDEKICKS"

The Waistband Warrior socked a punch to the robber's throat, knocking him out. He dropped the body down on the ground, bowing as he landed on his feet.

"Sidekicks! That was some splendid work!" gleefully exclaimed the superhero. 

"We couldn't have done it without you!" George said, laughing happily and jumping into Harold's arms.

The three friends continued to celebrate their victory, then Captain Underpants left to return all the stolen goods. 

"Wanna go prank some jerks?" George asked, pointing out towards the main street.

"You know it!" Harold exclaimed, happily blushing and grabbing his friend's hand tightly and following suit towards their next adventure.


	10. The Loneliest Number

Melvin peeked out from behind a trash can near another alleyway, his ears rising up in curiosity from the laughter and joy he heard outside. 

He continued to peek out, still attentive to his optimistic peers and their behavior. The child genius refused to admit it, but he was _envious_ of their friendship. All Melvin had known for positive interaction with others was sucking up to adults for extra credit. Sure, the extra credit felt good, but it wasn't the same as what George and Harold had together. 

The redhead slinked his tail between his legs, lowered his ears, and crawled into an empty trash can to draw no attention to himself. All that came to his mind was memories and flashbacks, all overwhelming him yet he refused to think of anything else at mind.

The first of these flashbacks was back to three weeks and twenty-one minutes ago. Melvin knocked on 3.14 Smarty Pants Boulevard, waiting for somebody to open up and let him in. He let out a sigh in relief as Benjamin Krupp opened the door up.  
\-----  
"Oh good, you're here, bub" the principal dryly commented, letting the child into the house. The child genius looked around at the living room, taking note of the simple beige and cream theme inside. Quite the contrast to Poopypants' previous theme of flashy purple suits, he noted, as Melvin took his black sneakers off. Benjamin opened another door, this one with a slightly cracked doorknob. Melvin walked inside, about to explain himself before-

"Vell, vell, vell" the professor smirked with a grin before chuckling. "Look what zhe cat dragged in"

"Oh haha, very funny" Melvin snarked, rolling his eyes and cringing from the painful joke Professor Poopypants had made. "Now what's the plan, bub?"

The professor began to explain his plan. "Vell, I obviously need zhome new limbs, don't I? Zhis is where you come in and-"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it bub. You need someone to build the limbs and I'm the only one in the school who can invent anything useful, so that's why you called me over to build it yourself, and you called Principal Krupp over to officially give me the extra credit. Got it" Melvin interrupted, keeping the tone in his voice steady. "Now where's the supplies at?"

"Zhey're right over zhere" Pippy nudged, pointing at a cardboard box labeled "FOR MELVIN ONLY" with what remained of his arms. The student walked over, easily ripping open the taped-up box with his feline claws. Melvin pulled all of the supplies out, setting them down on the sleek black table.  
From inside the box, there were countless scraps of metal in shades of orchid purple and peridot green. Most of the metal had been already bent and was shining brightly under the lighting of the room. Multiple nuts and bolts were scattered across, all in the same vibrant shade of silver. The young boy picked up a piece of the scrap, then turned to the professor.

“Professor” he asked, twitching his tail and lowering an ear. “How do you expect me to build these without any tools?!”  
The New Swisslander scoffed. “Vell you should’ve brought your own tools zhen!”

Melvin rolled his eyes, leaving the room in frustration. He groaned in anger, facepalming to himself. He said he’d had brought EVERYTHING, Melvin thought to himself as he hissed through his clenched teeth. The principal walked over to his pupil, coffee in one hand and pen in the other.

“Uh, Melvin” Benjamin dryly commented, sipping from his mug. “I got a toolbox in the back of my car”

The principal pulled his keys out of his shirt pocket and carelessly tossed them to his favorite student, continuing to drink his coffee as Melvin caught the keys and rushed out the door to the beat-up black vehicle.  
\-----  
The flashback faded, and Melvin was still sitting inside the empty trash can.

“At least I’m safe for now” he hushed to himself, sighing again. He peeked outside, his ears pointing up as he saw five teenage girls run up together past the alley he hid in. Melvin sighed in relief and began to leave before-

“Guys! Look!” the first teenage girl called out, as the ringleader of the bunch. She put her hands up to her mouth in excitement, her magenta pink eyes widening in excitement and strawberry pink hair slightly moving in the wind. “It’s a cute little kitty boy!”

“SO cute!” another girl called out, pulling her phone out of her olive green SNK backpack. “I HAVE to get a picture!”

“Hey kitty boy!” cooed the ringleader. “We totally didn’t get your name, because we gotta ask you something!”

The fourth grader backed up into the alley, confused and flabbergasted by the overly excited teenagers. His tail slunk between his legs as the adolescents came into the bleak alley to gawk and gaze at the child.

“U-uhh” Melvin sputtered out, still baffled on why the juveniles were after on. “I-I”  
“Come on already!!!” another teenager complained, stomping her foot like a child placed in time-out.  
Melvin sighed in defeat, gulping before telling the delinquents. “I’m Melvin”

The five teenage girls waited for a minute, thinking to themselves before their leader started to squeal and gush.

“Well, Melvin” the ringleader giggled, clasping her hands together. “I’m Marie-chan, and I’m the best leader here! I’ll let the rest of my kawaii little group introduce themselves before I bring out THE PLAN!~”

“The plan?” Melvin asked, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms.

“Um, DUH” Marie scoffed. “There’s a PLAN! Now don’t interrupt me again you baka!”  
The child genius continued to be disinterested, yet curious about the plan these girls had.

“I’m Cristina” the girl with the SNK bag and the ashy brown hair greeted herself, bowing as hair fell in front of both of her eyes. She continued to rummage through her bag, not caring as stray hairs fell on her black t-shirt and black jeans. Cristina finally got a box of pocky out and began to eat as her friends continued to introduce themselves.

The third girl, this one with a platinum blonde pixie cut and a white beanie with cat ears, greeted herself. “And I’m Carrie” she said as she gave a friendly wave.

“The name’s Lauren!” the fourth girl announced, pounding a gloved hand against her chest boldly. She crossed her arms and turned her head to the right, smirking as her medium black hair flipped.

“Oh” the fifth and final girl spoke softly, looking down as her long red hair fell to the ground. “A-and I’m Sarah. N-nice meeting you, Melvin”

“Now what was the plan you were talking about?” Melvin questioned, raising an eyebrow in curiousity.

"Well, Melvin!" Marie started happily, giggling at the end. "I saw how KAWAII you were and we totally need you to come with us so we can win the contest at our school!!"

The ginger tilted his head, ears lowering as he was still trying to comprehend what was going on. "Wait, what contest? And I don't even go to the same school as-"

"Will you let me explain already!!!" Marie snapped, glaring at the cat boy before continuing happily. "Well, at our school, we have a little costume contest going on next week and we were gonna be magical girls BUT we don't have a cat to finish it off!"

"Then why not just get a plush cat for it?" he replied, still flabbergasted by her request.

Marie crossed her arms and looked up in disgust. "NO" she yelled, continuing her explanation. "It won't be the same!!! Please just help me out! I'll give you whatever you want, please!!"

Sarah, Lauren, Cristina, and Carrie exchanged uncomfortable glances, cringing from Marie's mini tantrum.

"I have better things to do" Melvin snarked, starting to run off before Marie grabbed him by the arm forcefully. He looked up in terror as she started heaving, a slasher smile growing across her face the longer she grabbed him.

"Listen you little shit" she growled, sweat dripping down her pink dress. "I swear to god, if you don't fucking help us out here, _Melvin_ , I will NOT hesitate to fuck you up"

Melvin screamed in terror, squirming as Marie tightened her grip. He attempted to kick and punch his way out of the teenager's hold, but he was no match for her. The fourth grader had hoped her lackeys would do something, but the fear on their faces said otherwise.


	11. I Won't Hesitate

"SOMEBODY!!!' Melvin screamed, still struggling in the teenager's grip. Marie snarled as she pulled her other arm back, ready to throw a punch as-

"MELVIN?!?!"

Two voices yelled from outside the alley, causing everyone to turn around. Marie, her gang, and Melvin gasped as they saw George and Harold walk up to them, weapons in hand and armed.

Cristina, Carrie, Lauren, and Sarah backed up with their hands in the air, all four girls trembling in fear as they saw the two boys walk up. Carrie grabbed the collar on her hoodie in fear, Sarah gripped onto her pink and white bandanna, Cristina hid under the sleeves of her shirt, and Lauren was the only one to have any words.

"Oh shit!" Lauren yelled out. "Boys, please don't hurt us! Please!"

Marie looked over angrily, dropping Melvin to the ground and stomping over with her hands balled up into fists. She swished dust off her "What do you two little assholes want?!" she snarled at George and Harold. 

"We want you to let Melvin go!" George yelled at Marie. He pulled his whip back, but was stopped as the teenager grabbed the weapon and yanked it forward, causing the boy to fall forward onto his face and yelp. Harold ran over, picking George up off the ground and setting him onto his feet. Both boys angrily glared at the adolescent. 

"Uhh, what?" scoffed Marie as she sneered at them, crossing her arms in anger "I didn't do anything! Now where is that little prick?!"

She turned her head twice, seeing the child trying to escape. Marie took a deep breath in, then screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Where the _hell_ do you think you're going?!?!" she hollered, causing the other girls to flinch and Melvin to freeze in his tracks. The enraged adolescent stomped on the ground before walking over and tried to yank Melvin over, before-

WHOOMP!

Harold pulled his slingshot back like a knife and jabbed Marie in the stomach, causing her to screech in pain as she bent forward and clutched her abdomen.

"Nice one Harold!" George cried out happily, impressed by how his friend defended themselves against their terrifying foe. But his grin turned into a grimace as Marie grabbed the blonde by the collar and ribbon on his shirt and yanked him into the air with her right hand. She giggled to herself a little before pulling her other fist back, about to land a punch against Harold before a familiar striped whip latched around her arm. The juvenile turned to her left and raised her eyebrows in surprise. 

The fourth grader glared at his foe and yanked his whip even tighter, watching as Marie lost her balance and grip. Harold wriggled out of her looser hold and fell onto the ground on his feet, bowing gracefully before grabbing his slingshot and stretching it back. He shot a ball of green energy at Marie, letting the string go and hitting the teen in her face. She fell to the ground on her side, flinching from the pain and curled into a ball. 

"I'll....never....forgive you....baka...." Marie groaned, before passing out. 

Melvin was stunned at what happened, his hair and ears rustling slightly in the slow wind. He wiped his glasses to make sure it was real, then looked around at the scene. He saw a gloved hand reach out to him, and the ginger held onto it as he got up from the cold alley gravel. 

"You alright, Melvin?" George asked, letting go of his hand. 

The child genius was flabbergasted, his mind racing with thoughts of confusion and fantasy. "Y-yeah" he gasped out. "But why did you two help me?"

"We'll explain it all later" Harold added on, looking over to the other teenagers. The boys watched as Lauren and Sarah wrote out a note together, then left it on Marie's body. The four girls left the alley in a dash, leaving the three children to themselves.

"Okay, now that was convenient for the plot of this fiction" George pointed out, taking one of Harold's hands into his own. The three boys then left the alleyway and went back onto the bustling streets of Piqua, blending in without effort.

"Now explain this you two" Melvin asked, crossing his arms and lowering his ears. "Why did you bother saving me? I didn't deserve it"

George and Harold stopped in their tracks, then turned around sharply. "WHAT?!?!"

"Melvin, we had to!" Harold yelled out.

"Yeah!" George also exclaimed. "We're supposed to save those who can't save themselves, or some other nonsense. I mean, I think that pterodactyl from those dreams we had was telling us to"

"Those dreams were pretty weird" the blonde pointed out, stashing his slingshot away in his hair. "But Melvin, we weren't just going to let you get beat up by that girl!"

"Huh?" asked Melvin. "You really mean it?"

"Well yeah!" the younger boy explained. "She was like twice your size! And of course we had to take her down. But those other girls? I think they finally wised up and ditched her, she was just creepy"

"Ok, now I get it" the cat boy sighed out. "But what I don't get is why you two are always in those frilly outfits. I mean, don't you two get embarrassed from being seen in them in public?"

"At first, yeah, but now? Not at all" George began to explain. "Easier than just snap our fingers, yell, transform, snap our fingers, repeat. Plus it's way more unexpected"

Melvin continued to take notes. "I still don't get why you two got those powers to be specific though. Now from what I've seen in clips of those shows, the one who has these powers is usually a girl, unless you-Oh, I get it now"

The other two boys turned around, raising an eyebrow each in confusion.

"Oh, sorry about that!" the child genius instantly apologized. "I just forgot that both of you were-"

"It's fine, Melvin" George reassured. "Now come on, we have some bad guys to fight!"

George ran out to another part of the streets with Harold and Melvin following suit. The three boys looked around, trying to catch a peek of someone villainous to defeat in battle. However, nobody had any luck finding someone. 

The clunking sounds of metal rang through the air, causing the boys to freeze up and look around. The sounds got closer and closer to the children, making all three of them huddle up in a corner and scream.

"Surprise, fools" a familiar voice yelled out, hammy acting and all. "Thought you've zhen zhe last of me?"


	12. Pippy's Terrifying Return

"Professor?!" Melvin called out as he flinched from the yelling.

The elderly man looked downwards at his assistant. "Melvin" he asked, taking a deep breath in and tilting his head slightly. "Could you explain to me why you lied to me?"

George and Harold looked over at their companion, seeing that Melvin was absolutely exhausted both physically and mentally. The fourth grader had slightly baggy eyes, a bruise on his left wrist from his earlier confrontation with a group of otakus, small scratches on his arms, and a bandage wrapped around his ankle. His clothes were slightly torn up, from the dangling laces of his sneakers to the undone bowtie on his collar. Melvin's ears lowered as he clung to the fabric of his collared off-white shirt in fear, his tail slinking between his legs and curling up tight. 

"I-I-" he stuttered. "I-I w-was jus-"

The child genius looked down in defeat. "It's nothing" he sighed out in defeat. 

"Nothing?!" the scientist yelled out. "YOU SAID YOU HAD TO VORK ON MORE EXTRA CREDIT!!!" The professor stomped a foot into the ground in anger.

Melvin shuddered from the hollering and softly wrapped his right hand around George's left wrist. George turned to the redhead, nodded with a soft smile, and looked on at the scientist with a glare.

"Professor, with all due respect" George began to rant. "What is WRONG with you?!"

The New Swisslander raised both eyebrows at what the child had just yelled at him. "Ex-CUSE me?!" Pippy was baffled at this child calling him out. "Vhat did you just say to me?!"

The leader of the duo continued his rant. "I said what is wrong with you?! Did you even see how bad he looks?!"

Professor Poopypants said "Vell, I'm not zhe one responsible for his he-"

"Just take a MINUTE to look at him already!" Harold screamed, causing the two other boys to flinch. His hands were balled into fists and he stormed up in anger to his enemy.

"He's already gotten his butt kicked today by a bunch of creeps, and he doesn't need you bossing him around!" the blonde continued to scream at Poopypants. Suddenly, Harold felt a hand grab his wrist. He turned around quickly, seeing that Melvin was the one to grab him.

"Melvin?!" Harold asked in confusion.

The ginger cried out "You guys don't have to do this for me!"

Melvin started to tear up. He had let go of their hands and was now clinging to the collar on his shirt. His nose scrunched up, his eyebrows were lowered, his glasses were slightly fogged up, and tears started to spill from his freckled face.

"I'm not worth it, you guys!" he sobbed out, coughing out with every sniffle. "Professor Poopypants?"

Pippy looked over at the sniveling student.

"I di-ditched you today because" Melvin confessed, still wobbly with both speech and stance. He looked down at the ground in shame. "I just wanted one day to have a break from extra credit. Y-you'd understand, right professor?"

The professor slightly tilted his head to the left. Under his glasses, his right eye began to twitch as a wide chilling grin grew from under his mustache. He slowly rose up his right arm, a ball of orchid and peridot energy growing in the palm of his limb enhancer. 

"Oh, you vant a break, huh?" he asked with glee in his accented voice. "I'm more than happy to give you one..."

The three boys were unsure of what to make of his question.

"Heck, I'll give all of you a break if you know what I mean!" he hollered. "A break from life!"

The beam that was forming in his palm had finally let off, aiming directly for the boys. The three of them split up in different directions to avoid the oncoming blast, with Melvin directly in front of his newfound enemy, George to the left of Melvin, and Harold to the right. All three glared in anger at their attacker as George threw his whip around and latched it onto Pippy's forearm. He yanked roughly and caused Poopypants to lose his balance. The elderly man yelled out in surprise as he was teetering on one foot. While he attempted to regain balance, Harold jumped up and stabbed him in the throat with the end of his slingshot. 

Once he was hit in the neck, Professor Poopypants fell over onto the ground and clutched his collar. After gagging repeatedly, he looked up to see Melvin standing on top of his chest with his metallic claws exposed and sharpened.

"Now who's the one getting a break from life, huh?!" Melvin sneered, pulling his right hand back and slapping his former comrade across the face. Because of his added claws, the slap also added deep claw marks across his face. The ginger walked off and looked over to the other two children. No words were said until-

"That...was..." George said in surprise, completely amazed by how Melvin stood up for himself.

"AWESOME!!" Harold cried out happily.

Melvin blushed slightly from the compliment, cracking a soft smile. "You really think so?" he asked. "Like, not joking?"

George exclaimed "No, dude, we're completely serious!""

"Heh, wow" the redhead grinned wider. "T-thanks guys"

"If you didn't scratch him up then, he would've gotten up and beat the snot outta us!" the blonde continued. "Wanna go fight more bad guys with us, Melvin?"

"Now that I think about it" pondered Melvin. He tapped his foot patiently and looked up and down before finally deciding. "You know what, let's do it! Extra credit can wait another day!"

Melvin followed George and Harold as they dashed out of the alley and back again onto the streets of Piqua. Just as they ran out towards a bank robbery, a loud joyful voice called out to them.

"Oh Melvinnnn!!!"

The three boys turned around in confusion. They looked across the street as they saw a ashy brown bipedal feline dodge and evade multiple vehicles to get to their side of the street. Fortunately for the cat, all that happened to her was the olive green ribbon tied across her neck was slightly torn up. Melvin recognized the cat immediately and gasped in surprise.

"Danderella!" he happily cried out, holding a hand out to her.

"Danderella, comin' atcha!" the kitty greeted herself, smacking a high-five onto her owner's palm. "Where've you been for the past eight chapters?"

"It's a long story, Danders" the catboy shrugged. "But a lot happened"

"Cool, cool" said the molly. "But first-woah, is that really the legendary George and Harold?"

George replied "Yep, it's us!" as he put his hands on his hips

"You mean" gasped Danderella as stars lit up in her eyes. "Faster-than-a-speeding-schoolgirl, more-powerful-than-pointless-filler, able-to-leap-tall-buildings-without-gross-fanservice, THE George and Harold?"

"Sounds about right" nodded Harold as he rested an elbow on George's shoulder and leaned forward.

"Wow, they're way cuter in person than I thought they'd be" rambled the cat. "And the frills, the ribbons, oh they're just too cute and-"

Melvin patted his cat slowly on the head as he interrupted her gushing "Okay, okay, we get it. You're stretching the chapter out longer than it has to be!"

Danderella giggled "Okay, okay, fine! We'll end the chapter.....here!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to congratulate everybody who's been reading for hitting 300 hits! <:


	13. Through the Fire and Flames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been 3000 years since my last update.

The air was pierced with the high ringing sound of a fire alarm, causing the cat and the three boys to turn around and view the scene of the crime.

"What the-?" Melvin asked.   
People screamed and panicked as they stampeded outside of the burning Snotco building. Danderella, George, Harold, and Melvin dashed out of the way of the terrified crowd and nearby the business engulfed in flames. Once the four friends took a better look at the disaster, they could see it was even worse than they had thought it to be. Quite a noticeable amount of people were trapped in the burning complex, and Melvin took note as employees banged their fists onto the glass. Others were attempting to fling themselves out of the continuous inferno. Utter carnage was taking place, yet this didn't faze the three boys at all. 

"What do we do, what do we do, what do we do?!?!" the jumpy housecat worried, pacing back and forth in a fit. "How in the heck are we gonna save them?!?!"

Melvin looked up and down before adjusting his glasses slightly. "I have an idea"

"What's the idea?" George asked, already unwrapping his tied whip from his neck.

"It's simple" began Melvin. "Danderella and I will make a mad dash for the stairs, and then-"

Harold interrupted "And then George and I, we'll SMASH the windows open for escape!"

"I swear, you just read my mind there Harold" George pointed out, already walking back from the scorching business. 

"Well, let's do this" Melvin nodded. He took a deep breath in and kicked the revolving door to Snotco open, almost tripping before gathering his composure up. Danderella swiftly entered the building as well, stopping to catch up to her human ally. The feline-human duo sprinted up the spiraling stairs before stopping straight in their tracks and running onto the second floor. Melvin and Danderella looked on at the crowd of people trying to avoid said fire.

"What are you two doing?!" one of the adults cried out as he backed away into the rest of the crowd.

The child genius ran over with his pet to the windows, waving his arms out to George and Harold. He jumped to his right as the iconic striped red whip and an orb of green energy shattered the windows on the first floor. Fortunately, nobody had been hurt by the shattered glass, except for the budget. But that was another story for another fanfiction. The fourth grader peeked his head out of the empty holes and waved to the other two boys below.

"Is it clear yet?" Melvin yelled from the towering factory. 

"Yeah, it's clear, Melvin!" George hollered back. Both the boys had already demolished the windows on the first floor while Melvin darted past the raging inferno inside. The catboy yelled to the crowd “If you want to live, come with me!”

He reached his hand out to the crowd and watched as a woman gathered the courage to leave the crowd and grab the fourth grader by his wrist. Melvin turned around and walked to the shattered windows, the adult following him without question. He looked down, took a deep breath, and then leaped down from the scorching environment inside, landing carefully on his feet. Fortunately, the young adult who volunteered first landed completely unharmed. She happily thanked the young boy, then ran off from the fire. 

“One down, one to-” Melvin said to himself before suddenly being interrupted by a mighty battle cry.  
“TRA LA LAAAAAAAAAAAA!” sang out a bold hammy voice, causing the redhead to look up in the sky. The waistband warrior flew down slowly to face the hybrid child before him.

“Chum! Where are my sidekicks?” he curiously asked, his cape flowing majestically in the flowing wind. “I’ve been looking for them for quite a few chapters now!”  
“They’re over there, bub” Melvin pointed out, looking over to where the other boys were. George and Harold were smashing window after window until not a single glass panel was standing without some sort of shatter. The elementary student grabbed onto the Captain’s bold red cape and flew alongside him, seeing where the brief-wearing bandit hovered to.

Captain Underpants cheerfully greeted his sidekicks. “Greetings, sidekicks! I was off buying clothes at the soup store for quite the few chap-“

“WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!” George, Harold, and Melvin screamed at the Captain. His obliviousness had no bounds, yet the superhero was as confident as ever.  
“Now where were we, chums?” the cuckoolander captain boldly asked his more competent sidekicks. 

George answered “Well, Harold and I were smashing these windows so Melvin could go save all these people”.

“It’s still a work in progress” added Harold, jabbing his slingshot into the window he faced and shattered the glass with ease.

Captain Underpants flew off to inside the factory, grabbed as many people as he could in one go, and then landed at the nearby park to safely drop down all that he saved from the first trip. The waistband warrior repeated said heroic act until not a single body was trapped inside the raging inferno. After said life-saving acts, the Waistband Warrior then flew away from the scene of damage to bother his pessimistic counterpart. 

Once Danderella and the three boys made it down safely, they walked away from what remained of the building. Ashes were flying in the wind, sticking to all that surrounded the brutal carnage. The only remnants of the factory was a steel skeleton, the rest was charred black walls and unrecognizable furniture coated in ash and dust. What was once a productive tissue factory was obliterated chaos and years of progress wiped away by flame. The three boys were violently coughing up smoke and ash, heaving in between each and every cough. 

As the fourth graders were trying to recover, a mysterious human walked by them, causing Danderella to run off to the other side of town. The figure had a tall masculine build and deathly white skin, along with trendsetting garnet red flannel, torn up black jeans, the latest in combat boots, and a chopped up navy undercut. He looked over to the apocalyptic scene to his right and chuckled to himself.

“Whoops” he deadpanned as he pulled a pack of cigarettes from his shirt pocket. He took a deep breath in, lighting up one of the nicotine-ridden sticks and sighing before taking another breath in. Suddenly, the sound of coughing up a lung came to him and he sharply turned his head to the heaving children before him.

“You kids aren’t going to tell anyone” he growled, bearing his pearly white fangs. “What happened here, right?”

The three boys looked up at him, all of them sharing a confused look. 

“We -cough- don’t know who -cough cough- you are” George tried to reason. 

“Well I know who you three are…” the young man threatened, curling his right hand into a sharp fist. George, Harold, and Melvin backed away slowly from the ominous hipster in fear.

“Y-y-you do?” the blonde timidly spoke out, nervously fidgeting and still coughing out ash. 

The delinquent looked down to stare all three in the eyes. “If you little assholes tell anyone about the smoke……”

“You’re fucking dead” he growled. The children were still mortified at his ominous threat as he left the area for the time being.


	14. Sweet Like Honey? Absolutely!

"Excuse me?" a young feminine voice asked nearby.

George, Harold, and Melvin turned around to see where the voice was coming from. All three boys were still coughing violently from the ash and smoke nearby, yet this didn't scare off the stranger walking to them.

The mysterious girl appeared out of place compared to the apocalyptic scenery. She was adorned in a silver suit with a bold navy tie, cobat shoulder trim, periwinkle ribbon tied across her waist, matching navy boots, white gloves, and a navy felt hat with a flowing slate ribbon tied to the back. Her skin was deathly white compared to the black ashes flying around her and her silver eyes gleamed in the light.

"Geez, what happened here?" she asked, looking around at the carnage and infected fourth graders. The well-dressed lass fussed with her black bangs and pulled a navy hair tie out, tying the rest of her flowing black locks into a messy ponytail.

"Well, ma’am, a fire broke out because of-" the redhead began to explain before being interrupted. George and Harold grabbed one wrist each to grab his attention.

The other two boys both yelled "Melvin!!"

"Oh, a secret, I see" the young girl nodded. "I'll keep it safe, if you three do me a favor"

"Can we trust you though?" George questioned as he crossed his arms. "Not that we don't, but we've dealt with a lot of suspicious people"

"The college kid, that creepy Marie girl, our former science teacher" Harold counted off. "He can't even trust himself!!"

Melvin stuttered slightly. "Yeah....hehe..."

"You, uhh, said science teacher, right?" interrupted the suited spectator.

Harold nodded silently, fidgeting with his slingshot in impatience.

"Ok, good" the lass sighed out in relief. "Because what I have to ask IS science related after all"

"And what will we help you with, ma'am?" the catboy asked.

"I need to find a place called, uhh, hmm" she thought quickly and paced before realizing the name. "Jerome Horwitz Elementary School!"

"And why's that, miss?" Melvin asked again in curiousity.

George and Harold both started to cough up a storm again before the teenage girl tried to answer Melvin's previous question.

She pointed out "Jeez, those two need a doctor. You should too, uhh...." "What was your name?"

"It's Melvin, ma'am" coughed out the ginger as another fit started.

"And I'm Honey Jasper" she introduced herself with confidence in her eyes. The two shook hands before Honey walked to George and Harold.

"Can you two boys please come with me?" she politely asked, holding a hand out to them. The two magical boys nodded and then held onto her right wrist, then watched as Melvin took a hold of her left wrist. Honey walked away from the fiery surroundings and towards a few winding roads. Unknown to her at the time, all three boys were almost unconscious. But Honey pursued nonetheless to help the elementary students she just met.

Two hours later,

Melvin woke up to the steady beeps of a heartrate machine to the left of him. Instead of the burning atmosphere of dull gray smoke and blackened ash, he was in a room painted in whites and pale blues. Instead of the tattered sweatervest and button-up shirt caked in dirt and sweat he was previously wearing, he was wrapped in an offwhite hospital gown underneath the blanket. 

The half-feline blinked his eyes before realizing his glasses weren't on him. He froze up slightly before looking to his left and seeing they had been set on the table. Melvin shifted the robin blue blanket down to get a better view of his surroundings, but only moved it down a few inches because of two long thin tubes connected to his arms, two heartrate monitors on his chest, and general fatigue. 

He then felt an oxygen mask sealed over his nose and mouth, then sighed a breath of relief. The clean sterile air was refreshing compared to the heavy atmosphere of a burnt down tissue factory.

The elementary student continued to see his surroundings. To his left, he saw a glass window viewing a booming star-filled sky. The stars twinkled and gleamed and danced in the onyx skies, but were overloading to the young boy. To his right, he saw both his companions waking up slowly. Like him, they had oxygen masks on their faces and tubes stuck to their arms.

"Melvin?" one of the voices asked. He turned around to see Harold still trying to wake up.

"Yes?" he asked, still dazed and confused from what was going on inside.

George groaned "What is even going on?"

"I have" sighed out Melvin. "No idea"

The door slowly creaked open, causing all three fourth graders to look over. They watched as four medical students and one nurse walked into the room.

"Oh good, the children are awake" the nurse said. He looked over to the students and waited as one of them handed him three beige folders. 

"Wh-what's going on?" the blonde weakly asked. Everything felt like pins and needles to him.

"Well" said the nurse as he began to explain. "That odd teenage girl who brought you all in said you'd been coughing up quite a large amount of dust and ash from the 6:00 fire this evening"

"I don't even know how she was able to carry these three though" one medical student pointed out.

"Is that all?" Melvin curiously asked. His ears pointed down from the surroundings.

The nurse shook his head no and sighed out. "Unfortunately, no. When you boys fell unconscious, we did some scans and found quite a copious amount of debris in your lungs. This requires us to admin-"

"Uh, excuse me" a deep male voice interrupted the nurse's explanation. He turned around to see two portly police officers before him and the students.

"Can I help you sir?" the nurse asked, wiping sweat off himself.

"Yes, we were told that these children knew who the culprit of the Snotco six o’clock fire was" the first officer said. He turned to the elementary students. "Boys, you three knew who it was, correct?"

All three children nodded.

"What did the perpetrator look like?" the other cop asked, pulling out a small notepad to begin writing.

"Really bright blue hair"  
"Any other characteristics?"-  
"Paper white skin"  
"Face?"-  
"Pointy ears and nose"  
"Noticable clothing?"-  
"Red flannel"  
"Black jeans"  
"Anything else?"-  
"Oh, he was a smoker"

"Looks like we have our culprit" the second cop nodded as he read over the notes. "Randy Shackes"

"Well thank you for the help, children" said the first cop as he and his partner left the room. The nurse and medical students made their leave as well.

The three boys sat in utter silence before-

"Oh no, what if we finds out we told him...." Melvin gasped out. "What if-"

"He's not going to say it was us, Melvin" said George. "The cops will say anonymous word, and we'll be fine. Right, Harold?"

Harold looked over, yawned loudly, and then nodded at what George had said. He then yawned again and almost immediatly fell asleep. Soon after, the other two boys drifted to sleep as well. Another day would start soon hopefully, but for the boys, they were locked in the hospital for three days.


	15. It's Just Snot Funny You Guys

Three days had passed and the fourth graders were discharged from the hospital. George, Harold, and Melvin ran down towards the bustling main street of Piqua, ready to take on another day.

“I don’t get it, where are we going again?” Melvin asked his companions as he caught up to them. 

Harold turned around to Melvin. “We’re going to that place with the slurp-GYAH!” Just as the blonde was about to explain the plans to his ally, he suddenly tripped on a pile of rocks and fell face-first onto the pavement.

“Harold?!” George cried out in worry. He rushed to his friend’s side, holding a hand out to help lift the other boy up. The younger child was relieved to see his good pal without any major injuries to himself. Things were normal until-

“Is-is that blood?!” Melvin stuttered out as his tail fur spiked up in fear. He gripped one of his hands tightly onto his shirt collar, the other hand stuffed into one of his pockets.

Harold raised an eyebrow in confusion until he raised a hand up to his left cheek, scratched slightly, and then looked down. The scratch on Harold’s face did draw slight blood, but it was nothing like Melvin had seen before. Instead of a bright red, the blood was a dull forest green.

“Why is it green though?!” the cat-hybrid nervously asked as his entire body froze up from the sickly surprise. 

“I have no idea” replied George as he continued to look. “But it looks pretty cool!”

“It is pretty sick though” Harold chuckled slightly. “Now let’s go get those slurpees!”

Thirty minutes later, the fourth graders were in and out of the convenience store. As they walked down the road towards the bustling main street of Piqua, something that changed their lives was about to happen.

“Did you two really have to grab that bucket?!” Melvin snarked as he opened up his bottle of water. Their shenanigans felt frivolous and petty, he thought, but he was darned if he had anything better to do that wasn’t getting hollered at by his teachers. 

“Um, of course!” George yelled. “They said to bring your own cup in, and that’s what we did, Melvin!”

“But not a bucket twice the size of your head!!” hollered the redhead. “You know you two might as well be in a sugar coma, right?”

“Just try a bit already, Melvin” begged Harold. He took the translucent bucket from George and held it up to the other elementary student’s face.

Melvin looked down at the frosted concoction before him. Swirls of vivid cyan and cherry red blended perfectly together in the first layer, popping out towards his eyes. He was about to stick his long white straw in the mystic iced drink before Harold stuck two fingers in the bucket, scooped up a bit of the slurpee, then popped it into his mouth. Harold looked over to see both Melvin and George physically cringing from his fingers in the drink.

“What?” asked the blonde without any tone. 

Melvin shrugged it off, then dipped his straw back in, swirling the multiple colors around again for a fresher taste. Instead of only the red and blue swirls, there were now vivid splashes of lime green, deep purple, zesty orange, cold white, and golden yellow. Specks of pink and green glitter danced across the sugary haven, adding even more sweetness than physically possible. Here goes nothing, Melvin thought as he hastily took a sip of the rainbow-like drink. With barely any regrets, he swallowed the sugary sludge.

“So, what’d you think?” Harold looked over and asked.   
Melvin shuddered from all the sweetness instantly hitting him. “Well my teeth are hurting, but otherwise I’m fantastic!”

“Looks like more for us then!” George chuckled happily. Just as he grabbed the bucket from Melvin, screams came from inside the Nothing But Fabric Softener store across the street. George, Harold, and Melvin sprinted in between impatient bus drivers, overworked taxis, and incoming cars. But because only someone sicker than the narrator would let three fourth graders get hit by a car and possibly die, the elementary students weren’t hit at all and ran inside the specialty store to see their monster of the week.

Three snot green and metallic grey monsters were terrorizing innocent shoppers on both floors. Translucent chunks of slimy mucus trailed from the seafoam carpets on the first floor to the hard pine floors of the second floor, giving off a rancid stench. Hunks of snot-based globs were splattered across terrified citizens, the rococo-styled wallpaper, and all the colorful displays of fabric softener. Most of the sounds filling the air were the curdling screams of the robotic lumbering loogies, yelling of the manager, and the retching sounds of two gagging ten-year-old boys. 

“I didn’t think you two would find it that gross” Harold commented. He then ran up the sludge-infested stairs to look for the crusty cyborgs, leaving Melvin and George behind to recover from the narrator’s disgusting description.

After five minutes, Harold came face-to-face with the coagulant criminals. He held back a shriek as all three cornered him against a few destroyed displays of softener. 

The three eldritch abominations faced him down, still terrifying the young boy. Directly facing him was the tallest of the snot monsters, and the only one with arms. To his left was another beast with a wide toothy grin, eyes with a thousand-yard stare, and only robotic legs with metal cleats on the base of the foot. And to Harold’s right, the last monstrosity zoomed its antennae-like eyes close to the child as its metallic alloy-processors clicked and grinded in intimidation.

“Wh-who are you and what do you want from me?!” yelped the blonde in fear. He had one hand on his shirt collar and the other fidgeting with his plain brown slingshot. 

The three snot monsters began to cackle after his question.

“We’re tha Robo-Boogers, kiddie” explained the one with the processors and antennae eyes. “Now if ya stay outta our way, we’ll spare ya from-“

The tallest beast interrupted his companion by jabbing one of his booger-encrusted fingers into her body. “Trixie, if you don’t, er-ah, lemme handle the smooth talkin’ business, I’ll kick you to the, er-ah, curb”

“I don’t tell YA to do ya job, Frankenbooger, so don’t tell me what ta do” Trixie hollered at her boss.

The final robo-booger snapped at both his teammates. “Uh, are y’all missin’ somethin’ there? The dang ol kid’s gone”

“Carl, you shut or I’ll, er-ah, shut it for you” Frankenbooger hollered at Carl before looking down to see that Harold was indeed gone from their view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh we're halfway there (to finishing this fic)


	16. Magical Mystery Melvin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now with more Robo-Boogers and half the calories!

The ridiculous Robo-Boogers looked all around the current floor, still unaware of Harold’s roundabouts. Unknown to them, the schoolboy had ran down the jammed-up escalator and made his way back to his friends. 

“They’re trying to kill me, guys!” Harold yelled as he grabbed onto George’s wrist in fear.

“Wait, who?!” George yelped, trying to calm his best friend down without success. Before getting an answer, Melvin quickly tapped him on the shoulder before pointing up. 

The three boys looked up to see the Robo-Boogers towering before all of them, chunks of blood and mucus and sweat and oil dripping down their gooey bodies and falling towards the ground. The children were trying to speak, but the only thing they could speak was screams of fear. Carl, Trixie, and Frankenbooger chased and terrorized the fourth graders for twenty minutes, eventually cornering them between two shattered windows. 

George reached up to his shirt collar and began to undo his tie, yanked it off, and then pulled it back in intimidation. “Mess with us and you’ll get THE TIE!” he hollered at all three of the Robo-Boogers. 

“The claws!!” bolted out Melvin as he struck a fighting pose, his metallic claws exposing themselves and shining in the sunlight. 

Harold pulled the string of his slingshot back and aimed at the lumbering loogies. “And the all-knowing power of THE SLINGSHOT!” the blonde yelled confidently.  
“Oh no!”  
“Here we go again!”  
“Comin' atcha!”

Suddenly, three glowing balls of light engulfed the fourth graders, nearly blinding Carl, Trixie, and Frankenbooger. The orbs of energy shone brighter by the minute, then came to a brief stop as the three schoolboys landed on their feet, the transformation complete. George and Harold had changed into their frills of justice as usual, but Melvin was utterly confused at what had just happened. Melvin looked down to see that his surroundings stayed the same, but he felt completely different than from before the light overtook him. 

In his hands was a gleaming orange spear that was adorned with tiny black studs on the shaft of the spear. Instead of his normal clothes, he was dressed up in an entirely new uniform. Instead of his white button-up shirt and basic black shorts, he was dressed in a coral red blouse with a darker ribbon at the collar, pumpkin orange waistcoat with softer orange argyle print, and pleated brown skirt ending at the knee. His simple white socks and torn-up black sneakers were replaced with smooth white tights and bright orange dress shoes. Instead of his wristwatch on his hand, both his arms were wrapped in soft white gloves ending at the elbow. The huge orange ribbon tied to the back of his head flowed in the breeze as he gave a determined glare to his opponents.

“Melvin, you….” Harold gasped out.

“Look…” George continued in surprise.

“AWESOME!” they both exclaimed in happiness. 

A light blush grew across the catboy’s face, causing him to stutter slightly. “Yo-you really think so?” he asked. Both the boys nodded. 

“Now what is, er-ah, going on here?” exclaimed Frankenbooger in surprise. “What are those snot-nosed brats doing?!”

“We’re going to kick the snot out of you three!” George proudly boasted as he pulled his whip back.  
“Me too!!” Harold yelled as well.

The three mucus-filled monsters hunched over the elementary students, their cold robotic eyes zooming in on the trio. They hissed at their opponents before launching themselves to attack.

George faced off against the brutish Frankenbooger, snapping one end of his whip against the ground in intimidation. The booger-filled behemoth wasn’t fazed by the child in front of him, rolling his eyes in disinterest. Frankenbooger swung his right arm back to swat George away, but was suddenly stopped by the sound of a whip latching onto his forearm. The robo-booger furiously flailed his arm around in an attempt to free himself, but all this did was throw his opponent off balance. George was thrown against the wall, but fortunately for him, he still held onto his whip. Because of the whip, Frankenbooger got flung across the building and landed against another wall.

Harold and Melvin turned around to see Frankenbooger had been smashed against the wall and was now nothing more than a pile of mucus and robotic parts.  
Carl snarled against Harold, ready to get revenge for his fallen ally. The armless terror raised one of his cleated feet in the air and nearly stomped the elementary student into the ground until-  
WHOOSH!

Harold pulled the string of his slingshot back and shot Carl in the mouth with the biggest ball of energy possible. The second of the robotic booger monsters tried to spit the nuclear orb out, but ended up swallowing it whole instead. Harold watched as the vomit-green hunk of metal screeched and hissed in pain, running around the first floor in endless pain. Bright yellow sparks flew into the air, chunks of dull green mucus stuck to the walls, and all ended with a mushroom cloud explosion. Carl—was dead.

Meanwhile, Melvin had dropped his spear in fear and had both his hands locked up tightly by the last remaining opponent. The ten-year-old threw himself to one side as an attempt to throw the last of the Robo-Boogers off his back, but Trixie was nonetheless persistent. Melvin backflipped into the air, and was just about to descend to the ground until-  
ZAP!

Another ball of energy hit Trixie in the mouth, causing her to explode into a million pieces. But because all of the plasma was swallowed by a Robo-Booger, Melvin was completely safe from the hit. The catboy was falling down to the ground, covering his eyes as he thought he was about to severely injure himself from the fall. Fortunately for our hero, instead of falling onto the cold hard floors, he landed into George’s arms.

The two boys both looked at each other, blushing slightly. They were both about to speak up before some yelling caught their attention instead.

“That guy really needs to chill out” pointed out George, not realizing he had accidentally dropped Melvin. He held both his hands out to the redhead and watched as Melvin held onto them tightly.  
“He really does. Does he have anything better to do than yell at that kid over there?” asked Melvin.


	17. Purple Haze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now, part 1 of one of the two final arcs, now with half the fat and twice the Purple Potty! also i'd like to give a shoutout to scissorcrush here on ao3!

“Aren’t you the kid who saw what happened at Snotco?” growled a gruff voice at Harold. 

The blonde turned up to see the stranger facing him down. He was holding a small grey item in his right hand that looked to be a switchblade and put it into his shirt pocket before pulling out a box of cigarettes instead and lighting one up to smoke. 

“Ye-yeah…..” muttered Harold in fear. He nervously fidgeted with the slingshot in his hands and slowly backed away as the young man cornered him.

“Come here you brat” he snarled as he yanked the fourth grader by his collar and pulled him up. The force of the blue-haired criminal caused Harold to drop his weapon against the ground, giving off an echo through the entire building. But what the escaped convict didn’t hear was the sounds of running coming towards him.

“HEY!” two voices hollered, causing the unnamed felon to turn around. He looked down to see George and Melvin facing him, and they were infuriated.   
“Oh, look at that” he chuckled. “The little princess’s knights came to save her. I’m _so_ scared”

George’s blood was boiling in rage from what the self-absorbed jerk in front of him called his best friend. “What did you just SAY?!” he screamed in anger.

“Aw, you’re trying to be smart” the adult chuckled in amusement as he lit up the cigarette in his mouth. “It’s quite cute, if you ask me. Now if you excuse me, I have to-“

Suddenly, Harold reached over and took a huge bite into the hipster’s wrist, causing him to scream in throbbing pain and drop the 10-year-old onto the ground. Despite the bite only causing slight marks in the skin and was mostly guarded by flannel, the stranger blubbered in pain anyways.

“Who do YOU THINK ARE YOU?!” he cried out. “You don’t mess with Randy Shackes! No one does!”

“But we just did though, bub!” George pointed out.

Randy snapped “Like heck you three did!” He pulled his fists up to fight but was met by the sight of Harold aiming his slingshot, Melvin sharpening his newly-gained spear, and George pulling his whip back. 

“I’m not scared of you three” Randy deadpanned as he blew out a puff of nicotine-tainted smoke in the air. “However, you’re all still on thin ice” he threatened, before turning around and walking away. But the troubled 20-something-year-old had another trick up his sleeve, which was to be saved for another chapter.

Randy Shackes sprinted out of the chaotic mess that was Nothing But Fabric Softener, aiming to find a secluded forest to hide himself in purely to avoid jail time. But his escape was stopped as a square-shaped amethyst aura glowed in front of his tracks. The aura then turned into an indigo box and landed immediately onto the light green grass. Randy unintentionally smacked himself in the face with the new box before him, then passed out from the impact. Just then, lavender smoke blew out of the booth as the door swung wide open. The faint scent of lilac filled the air and then quickly faded away as three tall figures stepped out of the box.

“Geez, guys, that sure was cramped!” the first figure exclaimed with confidence. “That purple haze was sure all in my brain!”

“Will you can it, Benjamin?!” the second figure snapped. “We’re here to find the renegades. Wait… Are we even a week in the past, Professor?”

“Lemme check, Edith” the last figure replied as he sorted through a heavy notebook. “You know, lately, zhings don’t zheem the zame around here”

The smoke and haze finally blew away from the thistle painted time machine, and the figures were revealed. The first figure was a delightfully tubby middle-aged principal beaming with confidence and a typical superhero costume. The second figure was a younger woman with protruding tentacles where her arms would be, a cynical mindset, and a clean-cut black spacesuit with yellow trim. And the final figure matched equally in height to them thanks to his limb enhancers and poofy hair.

“I don’t know about either of you, but I’m liking the looks of this place!” he happily pointed out. “It looks so good, I might go up and kiss the sky!”

“Benjamin, focus!” the next figure lashed out as she clicked her heels together and snapped a tentacle. “We clearly made an error, so shut your mouth!”

“Uh, Edith?” the last figure pointed out. “I’m pretty sure zhis vas not our vault”

“Now what in the darned heck do you mean, Professor?” Edith asked with confusion in her tone. “Benjamin here was the one who pressed at least 5 buttons at once!”

“In my defense, Miss Edith” Benjamin Krupp began to explain. “The buttons asked me to press them all. Professor P, you believe me, right?”

The professor pinched the bridge of his nose then shook his head back and forth twice. “Ve don’t have zhe time for petty arguments” he grumbled. “Ve have to ztep out of zhe purhple potty machine and zhee for ourselves”

Edith and Benjamin then nodded. All three of the adults stepped outside onto the grass and looked around at their surroundings. Everything looked completely normal so far.

“Professor? Does your brother’s notes have anything on where in the heck we are?” Edith asked her older companion. She waited as the leader shuffled through his notebook and pulled out a section.

“Ah yes, he does have zhe notes” P calmly nodded. “According to zhese notes by Provessor Weepy, if a Purple Potty 2000 iz used two days in a row vithout zhe cooling period, zhe users end up in an alternate dimenzhion opposite to zheir own. Ve must zheck for a vay to zee if ve are in zhis dimension.”

“Ooh, alternate dimensions you say?” the cuckoolander principal happily asked. “I love those things! Can we explore this one now?!”  
The professor and Edith both looked to each other with a look that only read ‘He can’t be serious’, but then they nodded.   
“Pippy and I will go this way. If we go left, we might get an even better idea of-PRINCIPAL KRUPP!” Edith almost explained before being interrupted by her foolish boss running into the damaged building in front of them. 

Both of the remaining dimension travelers groaned in frustration, but chased Krupp into the torn-up fabric softener store.


	18. A Brick in the Wall (or Two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And welcome to part 1 of what I call this arc "George Beard's Bizarre Adventure"

Edith and the Professor sprinted into the beaten-up fabric softener store without hesitation in a chase for their foolish friend. They kicked down the last of the sliding doors and ran to the center of the store only to see one of the biggest disasters in the strange department store.

What used to be a sculpted fountain in the center of the ground floor was now a pile of murky water tainted with glowing boogers and broken gears, shattered pieces of puke green marble, a swarm of rusty pennies surrounding said fountain, and frothy bubbles from spilled fabric softener. The entire place smelled of rust and cleaning product, causing the Professor to almost hack a lung from the harsh scent. 

Edith tried to find her cuckoolander sidekick, but instead walked in to see quite a scene. Nearby the only remaining display stand, she saw an adult man who she assumed was the manager of the store hollering at three children that looked eerily familiar to her. The universe traveler was intrigued, but was not yet willing to break up a fight in this universe. But what in the heck was the manager yelling about?

“And you three should know better than to tarnish my store!” the frustrated adult complained at the fourth graders before him. “Now hand them over!” he demanded, pointing at the weapons in their hands.

“Like heck we’ll just hand them over!” Harold hollered in defiance, stomping a foot down on the ground and raising a fist into the air.  
George added on in anger “We just saved you from those monsters!”

The stubborn shop owner complained “You destroyed my business though. Do you kids have ANY idea how much I’m going to have to pay for this?!?!”

Melvin pulled a calculator from out of his pockets and began typing on it. “Well if you’re including insurance, you’re really only going to need a small loan of a thousand dollars” he calmly relied. “And considering that this store does easily make that profit back, the impact will be very little”

“I don’t have time for your smack-aleck nonsense” the businessman groaned as he shook his head in anger. “Now get out or I’ll make all three of you pay”  
The three boys were infuriated by the shopowner’s threat and aimed their weapons directly at him.

“Oh you little brats want to fight, eh?” he asked smugly as he rolled his shirt sleeves up to his elbows. “Well, I’ll make you pay both literally and figuratively if you catch my drift. Get ready to-“

But just as the fabric softener merchant was about to throw his first punch, he was suddenly yanked into the air by the back of his collar by two large gloved hands. He turned around to see a large portly middle-aged principal wearing a skin-tight bodysuit and flowing cape holding him up in the air. His face was filled with anger and disbelief.

“Do you have anything better to do, bub?!” the caped crusader spat out in disgust.   
“What the heck do you mean?” was all the other adult had to yell out.

Benjamin sneered at the businessman before slightly loosening his grip. “Get a life and leave those kids alone” he snarled before tossing the other adult away onto the second floor of the department store before hovering down to meet the schoolboys before him.

“Well that guy was another prick and way more” he chuckled to himself. Then, the dimension hopper’s eyes widened as he glanced over at the children. All three of them dropped their weapons in shock, causing a loud ringing noise through the air. What is our principal even doing here, they all thought to each other. 

“Principal Krupp?!” George, Harold, and Melvin cried out in surprise.   
Benny Krupp was about to reply, but suddenly caught eye of Edith and the Professor dashing over to him. “Oh, hello guys!” he happily waved with a twinkle in his eyes.  
Edith groaned in frustration as she gritted her teeth and facepalmed. “Benny, you better not run off next time”

“Ve need you for zhe research on zhis dimenzhion, Krupp” Professor P stated. “Now, ve better start with zhese kids and zheir fancy little coztumes”  
“I don’t get this” Melvin deadpanned to his teammates in confusion. “Doesn’t Principal Krupp usually try to kill you two?”

“Well” replied George. “Yes and no, but mostly yes”  
The towering elderly traveler began to explain “And zhat’s because ve are from anozha dimenzhion, kiddies. Ve ended up here by an accident, but vhile we’re here, ve might as vell do zhome research for our dimenzhion”

“This alternate universe feels normal so far” Mr. Krupp pointed out as he looked around. “Pretty different from those other ones I’ve heard about, like that one in space with the aliens, the mermaid one, ooh even that one with the rock people, I like the rock people one!”

“We don’t have time to reference other dimensions, Benny!” Edith snapped. “If you make another reference in this fanfic, I swear to-“

“Can zhe boff of ya calm down and let me explain our zhenario alveady?!” Professor Poopypants hollered impatiently, causing the other 5 people in the distance to flinch. “Now, vhere vas I? Ah, yes, zhe dimenzhions. According to my brother’s research, if zhe Purple Potty has a breakdown, zhe travelers end in any pozzible dimenzhion pozzible instead of zhe time zhey vere trying to get to”

Melvin spoke up in curiosity. “You said any dimension, right?” he asked with a spark in his tone. Alternate dimensions were rather fascinating to him, so he had to be curious.   
“Any dimenzhion, yes” the professor happily answered. “And from vhat you three have zhaid about zhis “Principal Krupp”, he zhounds quite different from our Krupp here”  
“Then your dimension has to be some sort of parallel to ours, where good is bad and vice versa. Which would make George and Harold the bad guys for some reason” Melvin concluded with glee.

“The Krupp in our world tries to kill me and Harold here” George added on.  
Benny interrupted “Your Krupp sounds like someone I’d keep you three five hundred feet away from! And honestly, I thought you kids were named Kevin, Thomas, and Jordan”

“That’s it, we’re ending this chapter right here, Benjamin!” hollered the young woman. “I told you not to make a reference, but you did it anyways!”  
“But ve didn’t get to travel zhis dimenzhion-“  
“Too bad bub!” Edith snarked as she closed her hand into a fist and raised the one finger which caused her hand to turn into a horizontal black bar.


	19. Fly On the Windscreen

"So? What do you say boys?" the chipper authority figure offered as he held his hand out. "Wanna come along with my crew to our world?"

The boys blinked in silence, then huddled together to whisper their plan. After a short discussion, our heroes came to a conclusion.

As the leader, George was the first to ask. "We'll do it, but what's the catch?" he asked as he crossed his arms.

"Just stick vith zhe zhree of us, and ve'll get you back" replied Professor P.

"We'll be able to fight people there, right?" Harold just had to speak up. He held out one hand flat, curled the other into a fist, and smacked his fist against the flat palm.

Edith nodded. "Of course" then she continued "But you won't like who we fight against, just a warning. Got it?"

George shrugged "Fair enough".

The three fourth graders then followed the dimension-travelling crew outside the annihilated store and into the, amazingly enough, totally not stolen time travel machine.

Benjamin crawled in first, sitting down with ease. Pippy came in next, sitting on Krupp's lap and edging towards the control panel. Edith kicked the door open to let herself inside the lavendar lavetory and promptly sat next to her boss. 

Without hesitation, the three boys all leaped inside and sat themselves on the other row of seats.

"Come on, hurry up bub" the alien lunch lass groaned in impatience. She tapped her foot on the floor and rolled her eyes.

Professor P snapped "Ve're getting zhere, Eeds!" He continued to type in several calculations "Dimenzhion 1F4-4ND as zhe beginning, travel back to zhe dimenzion C137, and back ve go"

Suddenly, the machine started to rattle. Edith clinged to the wall, George and Melvin wrapped themselves around Harold, and Benny held the professor tightly. Heavy amethyst smoke blew out of the vents, the smell of champagne and oil filled the air, and all that could be heard was screams and sputtering machinery. The Purple Potty turned into a white flash was gone.

Fifteen minutes later, the boisonberry bathroom re-appeared and landed on some bright green grass with a thud. 

"Vell, at least zhis vasn't a bust" Professor Poopypants sighed out in relief. He took a peek outside the vents and walked over to the door, opening it wide for the other travellers.

Everyone stepped outside to look around. They had landed in front of what appeared to be a colorful elementary school. The air was a faint lavender and huge rose bushes were growing outside near the doors. A few balloons in all sorts of shades of blue were tied to a sign standing outside near a walkway.

George and Harold sprinted to the sign that read "SEWAGE PLANT FIELD TRIPS ARE TODAY" with a smirk on their faces. Melvin followed as well and found a bag of letters next to the sign and the boys got to work.

"Vhat are zhey doing?" the professor hushed to Edith. She simply shrugged in response.

The boys finished their work on the sign and walked away slowly, looking out for-

The sound of laughter?

Benjamin Krupp burst out laughing once he read the newly arranged sign. He was banging his fist against the ground in hilarity, tears rolling down his bright red face as he shrieked in hysterics.

"What the heck is so funny, boss?" deadpanned Edith as she read the sign. "It's just 'come see my hairy armpits' on there."

Professor Poopypants screamed in frustration at the boys. "Did you three really HAVE to change zhe signs here?!?!"

"In my defense, Professor, I only found the letter bag" Melvin shrugged.

Benny then caught a breather and stood up straight. "Okay, okay" he sighed out. "I'm ready to go in!"

A few minutes later, the six of them were all inside the surprisingly cheerful elementary school. Colorful decorations were strewn across the walls and lockers, the floor was freshly cleaned and faintly smelled of lemon and the ceiling wasn't falling apart. All was quiet except for the sounds of footsteps down the hall.

"Geez, this place is actually pretty nice" Harold pointed out.

"Hm?" the perky principal asked with curiousity. "You really think so?"

"Yeah, in our world" continued George. "Our school's more like a peniterary"

Professor Poopypants was intrigued as well. "How bad can it pozzibly be?" he questioned as well, causing Edith to facepalm and groan.

Melvin reached into Harold's hair and pulled out a long white sheet of paper, then promptly handed it to the otherwordly adults. They started to read over.

"Closed the music and arts program for a security door?!"  
"Canzhelled zhe gym class after zhe gym teacher died? And didn't even attend his funeral?!"  
"Only one book in zhe library?!"  
"The cafeteria serves CARDBOARD and PAINT for lunch?!"  
"Gave a kid detention for saying gum?"  
"He fired him for WHAT?!"

Edith, Mr. Krupp, and Professor Poopypants were all shivering from the horrifying list they had read. Melvin took the list back, placed it back in Harold's hair, and crossed his arms.

"And that's only the first page" George shook his head.

Krupp said "Well trust me, those things are NOT happening in this world! I actually care about my students here!"

Just then, a young boy about Melvin's age walked by. He held his head up high, his fluffy dark brown hair slightly bouncing from the walk.

"Hi Principal Krupp!" he happily waved before his smile turned into fear. 

He yelped out. "OH GEEZ ITS THOSE THREE!!" and then promptly ran away from everyone.

George, Harold, and Melvin were baffled by what just happened.

"Was- was that Tommy?!?" Harold asked in confusion. "He's not scared of us in our world!"

"That is pretty weird" George nodded. "If anything, he's scared of our Krupp, not us"

It suddenly dawned on the three of them. The warning that Edith gave about who they weren't going to like fighting? It was _them_. 

All three of the boys froze up, their weapons dropping on the ground and leaving an ominous echo. The three adults were visibly shocked by how the fourth graders reacted to this news. Just then, the power went out.

"Surprise, surprise" a gruff masculine voice called out. "I got you Benny..." he growled, baring his fangs.

"And your little brats too!" he cackled, his uncanny white fangs shining in the dark night.


	20. Well There's a Principal in Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now, the long-awaited part 3 of George Beard's Bizarre Adventure, and the final part before the final arc of this fic! Ramas will be flipped, a couple becomes canon, and more in the final arc! Oh and I'm also holding a poll on the arc name at the end of the chapter.

The lights finally came on after the flickering. 

"Oh come on, who was that?" hollered a sharp imposing voice in anger. The source of the voice walked out of the copying room with confidence. Benjamin shuddered as he saw his dubious duplicate, then yelped and leaped into Professor P's arms. Edith, Professor P, and Krupp dashed away to the janitors' closet and swiftly locked themselves inside with a notebook and writing tooks for safety.

The half-naked hellraiser cackled in glee as his pitch black cape speckled in scarlet dots swooshed to the side of him. He lowered his eyebrows, gave another toothy smirk, and chuckled again.

"Captain Blunderpants is back, baby!" the toupeed terror growled in his cuckoolander counterpart's face. "And I'm ready to- uh, boys?"

Blunderpants looked down in surprise to see that his little rascals looked quite different from what he was used to. George had already plugged his ears shut thanks to his sensitive hearing.

"Why do you three look so ridiculous?" he yelled at the pint-sized travelers.

Melvin was about to explain his scenario before a sudden interruption. "On the contrary, you're the-"

"Turn around, you moron!" another voice barked out, causing Captain Blunderpants to swivel his head around and nearly break his neck.

George, Harold, and Melvin gasped. Their alternate clones were facing down the supervillian of their own universe with cold eyes. 

The alternate boys almost looked the same, but something felt off about all of the trio. For one, none of them had any weapons in their hands. Another key difference was in the outfits. Shades of black replaced any signs of pure white in their uniforms, and even more was off-key. This universe's Harold had pleats in shades of green, while George's was adorned in ruffles and was in soft red hues. Melvin looked rather shabby, with the waistcoat halfway undone, one glove falling at the wrist while the other stayed at the elbow, and the right lens of his glasses in blue while his left was green.

"Oh look at this" the other Harold scoffed, then chuckled with his followers. "The fools they call the staff brought some moronic versions of us. How charming"

"Like you're any better than us!" barked out George. "You don't even have anything to fight us with!"

Suddenly, the off-color fourth graders started bursting into laughter. Melvin shrugged in confusion, Harold rolled his eyes, and George facepalmed from sheer stupidity.

The convict cat boy collected himself after his laughing fit. "You dolts don't get it at all" he shook his head. "I pity all of you"

"No, we don't get it" snarked the original Melvin, crossing his arms in a huff.

Evil George folded his hands together. "Of course you wouldn't" he rolled his eyes. "Well, _we_ don't do the fighting, that's why we have Blunderpants. We just stand around and look adorable, then we steal the stuff."

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of!" George hollered.

Evil Harold snapped back. "Oh, and what do you morons do that's any better?"

"Well, in OUR world" yelled Harold. "Just because we look cute, doesn't mean we won't kick butt too!"

"It's on, blondie" Evil Harold glared. He looked over to Blunderpants, but watched as his creation chose to flip the bird instead.

Blunderpants growled in a fit of defiance. "I'm not going to beat up children", then he stormed away from the elementary school to find better targets to fight.

The original boys grinned in confidence as all three of them grabbed their weapons. George snapped both of his striped whips against the cold air, Melvin twirled both spears in the air before catching them with grace, and Harold flipped his slingshot in the air before catching it, spinning it in his fingers as the slingshot grew in size.

The evil boys ran off to another closet to ~~steal~~ borrow some weapons, then ran back locked and armed. Evil George pulled the string on his chainsaw, Evil Harold sharpened his katana on the walls, and Evil Melvin tried to hold on to his bow and arrow with ease.

"In the name of Piqua" George called out to his team.

Then, the regular boys yelled together. "WE WILL PUNISH YOU!" and charged towards their dubious doppelgangers.

Suddenly, the atmosphere and camera angle changed. Quirky chiptune music played in the background as papers got scattered.

"It's time for the Flip O Rama!" Benny cheered out.

Edith cringed from what just happened. "Benny, why NOW?!" she hollered.

The professor then gave a short explanation to our audience. "Vell, ve can't have zhe children fighting each other all hardcore like zhat, it'll go over zhe chapter limit. And zhe author has her limits"

Benny then pulled out a short green book filled with paper and set it on the ground. He turned to the first page and happily flipped the two pages together.

"I call it 'The Hutchins Punchins'. Get it?" Krupp said as he continued the flipping. Two chicken-like figures were punching each other in the drawings. Wait, punching? Are those their wings or the weapons? Either way, Hutchins Punchins works.

Professor P then took control of the book. "And zhis is 'Furious George', everyone" the New Swisslander explained as he flipped back and forth. Yet again, two more poultry people whacking each other. The one on the left got smacked by two whips as the flipping went on.

Edith then got handed the book. "Now, this one? Yeah let's just call it "Get the Melv Out", is that clever enough for this fic or what?" she rushed out and did the same as her companions. Unfortunately for her, one page got torn and she yelled out some words that would increase the rating of the fic.

Benjamin then got back to his Flip O Rama. Unfortunately, he was all out of paper, so now, back to our scheduled children fighting.

Evil Harold had his right arm tied by a whip and was struggling to break free. George pulled his weapon back to himself, the devious blond pulling back as well.

"It's not over yet" growled Evil Harold. With his remaining arm, he pulled back and slapped George across the face, drawing blood from the impact.

The leader snarled under his breath "It is now". He then pulled his fist back and punched Evil Harold in the chest, making him fall over. They were finally defeated.

George ran over to Harold, grabbing his right hand while Melvin tried to hold his left hand. Both boys pulled their ally up while struggling to stay standing up.

"You alright, Harold?" George asked.

The blond groaned slightly in pain, immediatly clutching the right side of his head in pain. He stumbled backwards into a wall and mumbled in exhaustion as he was about to faint.

"Harold?!?!" George and Melvin cried out in fear. They ran over to their friend to keep him up and stop him from falling again. 

Melvin turned to his leader without hesitation. "We gotta get back to our world" he said to George.

Just then, the nicer Krupp left the janitors' closet to see the chaos unwrapping. After a few hours of intradimension travel and chaos, the boys woke up the next day in a completely different environment, one that felt cold and unnerving.


	21. It's Not Easy Having Yourself a Good Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy it's the first part of the final arc, which I'm calling "Time, Space, and Everything Antimatter".

Melvin was the first to wake up after his well-deserved rest and yawned loudly. He tried to stretch his limbs outwards but then realized that he couldn’t. He looked down in surprise to see that he had been tied up all over in plain brown rope. His hands were tied between his back, his legs were also bound together, and Melvin had to consider himself lucky he wasn’t gagged up with tape.

The fourth grader looked around to get a glance of his surroundings. The room he was trapped in was covered from the ceiling to the floor in entangled wires, strange buttons in cherry red, faintly glowing display screens in vivid magenta hues, oversize gleaming nuts and bolts, and levers in silver and sickly green. Melvin turned to his left and saw George tied up next to him. He then glanced over to see Harold to his right, bound in place by rope as well. Things looked bleak for the three fourth graders.

One of the tiles on the floor popped up and shifted over to the side. The boys watched as their nemesis Professor P hoisted himself up onto the level with ease and shut the tile down. He turned around to see that part of his plan had failed already.

“Oh great, you fools woke up early” the New Swisslander groaned as he rolled his eyes. He pinched the bridge of his nose with his chapstick fingers and shook his head. “I thought you’d three vould be knocked out longer”

“What the heck, Professor?!” George hollered at the towering professor before him.

Pippy chuckled to himself, pulled up a plastic blue seat, and promptly sat down, crossing his legs up without care. “Well, you see boys” he began to explain, kicking back on the seat. “Ever since zhat horrid day of vaste, I’ve been conducting a plan to, how should I put zhis lightly, get rid of it all! At least, for you little monsters anyways”

“Then what’s with the kidnapping?” Melvin had to ask. 

“Oh, zhat’s the fun part” Pippy cackled with glee in his voice. His fingers were clasped together and he swung his prosthetic legs back and forth. “When I finally change zhe past, I’ll get to watch all of you die!”

All was silent in the room except for the faint buzzing of electronics in the background.

“You’re gonna get yourself killed too, you know” Harold snarked as he pointed out the major flaw in the professor’s perilous plot.   
George added on “It’s true, we’ve seen plenty of Back to the Future to know what’s gonna gone on”

Professor Poopypants glared angrily at the fourth graders before him. A wide slasher grin grew under his furry lip and he threw himself off the seat before walking over to face the troublesome schoolboys. The furious foreigner tilted his head and his eyes began to twitch underneath his gaudy glasses as he was about to snap.

“Can zhe zhree of you do me one favor and shut your mouths?” he threatened the trio as he pointed a finger into Melvin’s faces. “For zhe last zhree months, all you’ve done is ruin my life! None of you even have any respect for me anymore!”

George and Harold turned to each other and snorted in laughter.  
“We never had any respect for you, Professor!” George chuckled before bursting into laughter along with Harold. 

Pippy facepalmed from the laughter and it made his blood boil in fury. He then crossed his arms and sneered down at Melvin.  
“But you? You are zhe vorst of zhem all” he began to holler at Melvin. Spittle flew from his mouth to Melvin’s shiny spectacles. “You disgust me!”  
The cat-eared boy hissed at his former ally “Oh, I disgust you?!” 

Suddenly, George and Harold stopped their fits of laughter and straightened up. The tone in Melvin’s voice was no longer the snarky know-it-all they grew to know better, this was what he truly felt down and kept bundled up for weeks.

“I’m not the one who forces people to do their dirty work” Melvin began to chew out the Professor with an intense glare.  
Professor Poopypants choked out air in shock of what his former assistant barked out at him. “Excuse me?” he demanded to know. He threw his head back and had one hand on his suit-covered chest. “Vhat do you mean by zhis?”

“You used me just to get further in the fields of science!” the fourth grader hollered at the New Swisslander. He trembled slightly as he continued to spat out more of his pented up rant.   
“I checked my records days after my last favor for you, and you didn’t even give me a single point of extra credit! When I tried to contact you in any way after these petty ordeals, your little emails kept saying ‘oh I totally forgot’ and blaming it on me instead! Do you even have any idea what I’ve been through when you were too caught up in your evil plans?!”

“No, and vhy zhould I even care?” Pippy shrugged with disinterest.  
“Because you’re supposed to be the adult here!” Melvin continued as his face boiled red and steam blew out of his ears. “When I came into your little hideouts all bruised and beaten from rabid teenagers, you just brushed it away and shoved a box of things to work on into my hands! And when you said that you’d change? You just kept lying to me!”

“Vell, I can change zhis time, Melvin” the professor tried to coax the infuriated young lad. “Ve can still be team-“  
“And I’m NOT your teammate or your partner in crime, or whatever you want to call me” interrupted Melvin. “Quit lying to me! You’re no respectable scientist, or even human at all! You’re a monster and that’s all you ever are!”

Suddenly, the mad scientist began to cackle in laughter from what he had just heard, and he began to retort. “You really think I’m zome sort of monster, huh?” as all three of the boys nodded in agreement.  
“Vell, vould a monster really do zhis?!” he chuckled as he grabbed Melvin by the collar and dragged his hostages with him to the largest motherboard on the level. He plopped them onto the cold tiles of the floor and began to enter calculations and time approximates necessary for proper time travel. As his eyes were glued to the glowing screens, history articles popping up, pros and cons of time travel, and colorful buttons, Professor Poopypants didn’t notice his stowaways trying to escape.

Melvin moved his mouth and neck down to start tearing into the ropes binding him and his allies stuck together. He ripped them to shreds with the ease of his fangs and spat out the strings stuck in his teeth. Soon enough, all three of the boys were free. Unfortunately, freedom was brief as the time-traveler to be turned around to see that the ropes constricted them no more. 

“Another interruption to zhe plan I see” Pippy shook his head. “Lucky for you zhree, I have tricks up my sleeve”

“So do we” George exclaimed boldly as he held his hands out to his trustworthy friends. Harold took a hold of George’s left hand while Melvin took the right. The three of them squeezed tightly and yelled out loud at the professor.

“Oh no”  
“Here we go again”  
“Comin’ atcha!”


	22. When the Bullet Hits the Bone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp guys, this is the final chapter, hope y'all enjoyed my first fic I took seriously!  
> I left a bit of a cliffhanger ending so the reader can come up with their own ideas of what happened next.

Professor P aimed and began to charge his laser beams without hesitation at the glowing orbs. Unfortunately for the armed antagonist, the blast ricocheted off his targets.

Due to the excessive force, the blast flew right into Pippy’s chest and launched him against the wall with a loud thud. The walls cracked and echoed from the excessive impact thrown against them, and Professor P fell straight onto his stomach with a loud groan. Poopypants had to consider himself lucky his limbs didn’t crack and shatter, fall right off, or loosen up so much they’d slip off what remained of his original limbs and crash to the ground. His arms and legs trembled as he got up from the ground. But once the professor got up, his already failed plan had sunk even lower...

The pint-sized professor glanced up to see that the glowing had stopped and faded away. In its place were George, Harold, and Melvin, their transformations complete and ready to fight. Melvin polished off his nimble and precise spear and pointed it at his former teammate, George snapped his whip in the air as intimidation, and Harold yanked his slingshot out of his own hair and pulled the string back.

Professor P chuckled to himself and crossed his arms. “So you three zhink you can stop me vith zhe frills and pleats, huh? Vell I’ve got a plot-relevant upgrade too!”

Professor P pressed a button in the center of his bowtie and began his own flashy upgrade, to the shock of the author and the persistent pests before him.  
Colorful swirls of lemon yellow and lime green surrounded the mad scientist as his suit faded from midnight black to a gaudy shade of magenta. Pippy adjusted his gleaming glasses as his bowtie undid itself and turned into teal, then retied itself. He clicked his heels together as his limb enhancers shedded the cheap purple and green paint for a chrome white polish. The upgrade finally finished once Professor Poopypants held his ‘hands’ into fists and cackled as his chapstick fingers transformed into eerie robotic hands.

Harold gulped as sweat dripped down his face, then turned to George and Melvin and asked “We got this. Right, guys?”  
George grinned in confidence. “Of course we do, Harold!”  
“Not to forget, I built them, so I can take them apart” Melvin added on.

The three boys nodded, then faced up against their opponent. And of course, it’s not a showdown without some classic bragging.  
“You three are no match for me, now face zhe punishment!” Pippy yelled and snarled.  
George pulled his whip back without hesitation and boasted right back. “No, you’re the one being punished!”  
“In the name of Piqua!!” the fearless fourth graders screamed as they charged into battle.

Professor P pulled his left arm back quickly and was about to land a powerful punch, but was swiftly stopped by George’s whip latching around his arm and Harold throwing a sucker punch to his chest. As the persistent professor tried to toss his opponents off himself, his luck fell to the bottom and was crushed like an orb of glass under cleated steel boots. When he wasn’t looking, Melvin had shut his eyes tight and blindly stabbed Pippy in the right side of his torso.  
“Oh, zhis is bad for me” Poopypants murmured to himself, gulping in fear.

George roughly grabbed his whip and yanked it with force rougher than sandpaper, causing the magenta-clad megalomaniac to wobble and tremble until he leaned forwards and fell flat onto his face with a mighty thud. The purple professor groaned to himself “Zhis writer really has no patience for me”, gritted his teeth, and then passed out. After the mighty downfall, the only noises inside the enigmatic room were various whirrs and beeps and gears grinding. 

Melvin turned to George and Harold and was trembling like a teacup near the edge of a table. His ears sharply lowered and his tail frizzed up from his own reaction. He felt like he was struck by a bolt of lightning from what just happened before him. It was a miracle he didn’t even cut himself at all with his own spear.

“Did-did I just kill him?!” he cried out in fear. If anyone finds out what I did, I’m dead meat, Melvin thought to himself before getting an answer.  
Harold looked over the unconscious body before him, then turned to his friends. “Nope, he’s fine” he tried to reassure Melvin.  
“Now how are we going to get out of this?” George wasn’t sure about. He looked around at the flashy room and tried to get an idea of what to do next.

“Maybe we should go time traveling instead” Harold brought up. “I mean, it is possible after all”  
George and Melvin stared for a bit from what had been suggested as an idea.

"That's a dumb idea" Melvin yelled as his tail flared up with anger. "I mean, what if Professor P wakes up and kills us!?"

George shrugged. "I think it could work. We could just ditch him in another time and not worry about him for a while"

"Let's do it guys" Harold nodded in confidence. He strolled over to the control board, looked over all the buttons and screens, then turned over to Melvin.

"This is going to be ridiculous, but let's do it anyways" Melvin said as he typed in a calculation for fifteen years to the future. He tucked his spears away, grabbed onto George's and Harold's hands, then hoped for the best.


End file.
